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The Humintell Blog October 16, 2024

Why Every Interaction You Have Is A Negotiation

Every interaction is a negotiation

Whether we realize it or not, we’re all salespeople and every interaction is a negotiation in which we persuade and influence others.

Some of us do this professionally; sales people sell products and attempt to have people purchase those products; teachers sell knowledge and skills and attempt to persuade students to learn that knowledge and skills; law enforcement officers sell jail and attempt to persuade alleged criminals to buy jail time.

All of us do so as well in our personal lives; parents try to get their kids to clean their rooms and married couples get their partners to take out the trash.

Not only are we all salespeople trying to persuade and influence others; we’re all relatively good at it.

In fact, every individual needs to be at least somewhat successful in doing so because without some degree of success at persuading and influencing others, individuals would not survive.

Every group, society, and culture requires people and groups to persuade and influence others for the individual’s, group’s, society’s, and culture’s survival.

As John Donne once wrote in his famous poem, no man [person] is an island, and our ability to live and thrive in our families, communities, societies, and cultures is evidence of our ability to persuade and influence others.

Thus, people have learned or acquired a long time ago the basic skills necessary to persuade and influence others.

I say “acquired” because we don’t know the degree to which our abilities to influence others are hardwired into us as humans, or whether those skills are entirely learned from our cultures and communities.

I suspect that we have the biological hardware (brains) and some innate software in our minds to learn those skills from our families and communities. Regardless of their origins, however, we all persuade and influence others, and we’re relatively good at it.

Just look at the growth of the world’s population across time. If people weren’t good at persuading and influencing others, we wouldn’t get along and our societies and cultures, let alone marriages and families, would not survive and thrive.


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How does this persuasion and influence occur?

There’s a long history of research in psychology examining how people influence others.

For example, very classic research on conformity and compliance conducted by Solomon Asch demonstrated how groups can influence individuals to make obviously mistaken judgments or say obviously incorrect things.

Stanley Milgram’s classic research on obedience showed how average people will do drastic things against others on the basis of instruction from an authority figure.

Phil Zimbardo’s well-known prison study demonstrated how power assigned to a group of people made that group engage in demeaning behaviors against others who were not so assigned.

Perhaps the most well-known author in this area is Robert Cialdini. Through his own ingenious experiments and collating the results from many other studies, Cialdini extracted six universal principles of persuasion and influence that were at work when people persuade others to do something. (His more recent work identified a 7th principle as well.).

For example, consider the principle of reciprocity, which Cialdini suggested activated “the web of indebtedness.” When we receive something from someone, we have an obligation to give something back in return. This is true for getting a gift, receiving an invitation, or hearing a compliment.

Every society and culture is built on this principle; if this principle didn’t exist no society would function correctly and the alternative is social chaos.

Same is true for the principle of authority. Hierarchies exist in every society, culture, group, and organization, and if we didn’t comply to the wishes of authority, hierarchies would cease to exist and societies and cultures would not function properly. The alternative again is social chaos.

What is Tactical Social Influence?

Here at Humintell, we take that classic work on persuasion and influence and incorporate other scientific breakthroughs over the decades to deliver what we call Tactical Social Influence.

For example, one interesting aspect of all principles of persuasion and influence that is not discussed much is the fact that they all operate because of affect and emotion.

In reciprocity, for instance, when we receive something, we have the feeling of obligation to give something back, and not giving something back makes this feeling worse.

This unsettled feeling motivates us to do something to dissipate that unsettling feeling because feelings and emotions are at the root of motivation, an idea described by Sylvan Tomkins decades ago. (Tomkins is believed by many to be the “father” of most modern science about emotion.).

Thus, we give something back and feel relieved to do so. This unsettled feeling can be especially nerve wrecking if we receive something from someone whom we would rather not feel obligated to.

Authority Figures

Same is true for obeying the requests of authority figures. Because we all learn to respect and obey authority figures, we once again have the feeling of obligation to respect and obey their requests. This unsettled feeling can be especially nerve wracking if we don’t agree with the request. Thus, we comply in order to address the unsettled feeling.

The feelings and emotions that underlie the principles of persuasion and influence are associated with a concept called cognitive dissonance, a concept attributed to another classic author Leon Festinger.

Thus, although we speak of cognitive concepts like authority, reciprocity, compliance, and the like, in reality affect and emotions are at the heart of all principles of social influence because some actions create cognitive dissonance in us.

These principles are not evil mechanisms conjured up by wicked scientists in dark laboratories. They are a natural psychological process that has evolved because humans live in groups and group life is the heart of our survival.

Thus, learning about those principles can deepen our understanding of a unique and natural process of human social life. Learning how to consciously and strategically leverage those processes can give us an edge in negotiating life, and help to make our interactions with others more efficient and productive.

Humintell Tactical Social Influence’s 4 Major Pillars

  1. The first pillar is learning about and leveraging the universal principles of persuasion and influence.
  2. The second is about actively listening to and observing others, especially their emotions and other nonverbal behavior, so that we can get additional insights about the emotions and feelings of others.
  3. The third is learning how to use questions strategically in order to lead others to their own conclusions about what we want to persuade or influence them about.
  4. The final pillar is learning how to improve our personal effectiveness by regulating our own emotions, because many negotiations occur in difficult and emotional contexts in which we need to control or regulate our own emotions and not be controlled by them in order to achieve a desired outcome.

When we are able to be better at all four pillars of Tactical Social Influence, we can become extremely effective at persuading and influencing others.

Perhaps then, we can get our kids to clean their rooms and our spouses to take out the trash a little easier than before 🙂

The post Why Every Interaction You Have Is A Negotiation first appeared on Humintell | Master the Art of Reading Body Language.

Filed Under: Emotion

The Humintell Blog October 9, 2024

Emotion Regulation Training to Prevent Postpartum Depression

New research presented at the 37th European College of Neuropsychopharmacology studied the activity in the brain’s amygdala during pregnancy.

The amygdala is part of the temporal lobe and part of a larger network in the brain called the limbic system.

When it comes to survival, the amygdala and limbic system are extremely important. These are parts of the brain that automatically detect danger and play a role in behavior, emotional control and learning.

The researchers found that pregnant women with higher amygdala activity struggled more with emotional regulation and reported more depression symptoms postpartum.

This discovery could lead to early identification and targeted emotion regulation training for at-risk mothers. While preliminary, the findings offer potential for new strategies to prevent postpartum depression.

1 in 7 Women Develop Postpartum Depression

During pregnancy and the postpartum period, rising hormone levels create a “psychoneuroendocrinological window of vulnerability” for mental health.

80% of women develop often transitory “baby blues,” and about one in seven develop more serious postpartum depression.

According to the Mayo Clinic, postpartum depression symptoms may include:

  • Depressed mood or severe mood swings
  • Difficulty bonding with your baby
  • Less interest and pleasure in activities you used to enjoy
  • Intense irritability and anger
  • Feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt or inadequacy
  • Reduced ability to think clearly, concentrate or make decisions
  • Severe anxiety and panic attacks
  • Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
  • Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

Symptoms usually develop within the first few weeks after giving birth. But they may begin earlier – during pregnancy – or later – up to a year after birth.

Untreated, postpartum depression may last for many months or longer.

Pregnancy Study

The research presented included 47 women — 15 pregnant women and 32 non-pregnant controls.

To examine brain activity, participants were asked to view negative emotional images while undergoing functional MRI. They were then asked to use cognitive reappraisal to regulate their emotional response to the images.

The findings suggested that both pregnant and non pregnant women were equally successful at emotional regulation, but this process involved different brain activity in pregnant vs their non pregnant counterpart.

All women had increased left middle frontal gyrus activity when regulating their emotions, but there was a difference in the amygdala between the pregnancy group and controls.

These results suggest that pregnant women may have to exert more neural effort in emotional regulation.

In addition, pregnant women with higher amygdala activity were less able to regulate their emotions successfully compared to those with less amygdala activity. Higher amygdala activity was also associated with higher depression scores.

Although the researchers stated they need to be cautious when interpreting their results because of the small sample size, they emphasized if the findings are confirmed by larger studies, pregnant women could be assessed “in the waiting room” using existing questionnaires that evaluate emotional regulation.

If a woman has difficulties with emotion regulation, there are adaptive strategies, like cognitive reappraisal that a counseling psychotherapist, group sessions or online courses could help with.

Research like this is crucial for gaining insight into one of the most intense physiological processes a human can undergo: Pregnancy. It’s remarkable how much remains unknown.

Recently, the FDA approved the first treatment for postpartum depression. However, experts emphasize that research like this is crucial for gaining insight into one of the most intense physiological processes a human can undergo: Pregnancy.

It’s remarkable how much remains unknown.

The post Emotion Regulation Training to Prevent Postpartum Depression first appeared on Humintell.

Filed Under: Emotion

The Humintell Blog September 20, 2024

How Studying Behavior Can Be Used To Detect Threats

Another tragic event has occurred at a school in Georgia recently, and the scene unfolds as it has too many times in our recent past.

Aside from school incidents, workplace violence, domestic violence, and even seemingly random acts of violence on the streets of our cities and towns, buses, and trains occur all too often all across the country and the world.

The causes for these tragic events are many and one can point to social, cultural, local, familial, and individual sources for such causes.

For this reason, in my opinion a comprehensive and meaningful consideration to reducing threats and violence should consider addressing each of these, and other, levels of sources that contribute to violence.

Identifying Hateful Rhetoric

On the social and cultural level, for example, much rhetoric can be found in social media, news, and the entertainment industry, all of which appear to insight and even sanction violence.

Years ago our research team worked on identifying the elemental components of hatred among ideologically motivated groups that committed acts of violence on groups that they hated.

We were able to identify the basic emotional components of hatred and their associated verbal and nonverbal behaviors.

Using those indicators we were able to predict fairly well when groups were ramping up to engage in acts of violence against members of other groups they despised. I am convinced that those same indicators occur today when I watch or read the news, especially about politics in the U.S.

Awareness about the power of such rhetoric may be a good first step towards reducing the threats from such rhetoric.

Sometimes I fantasize about a threat indicator monitor on our televisions or computer monitors that simultaneously assessed the hateful rhetoric that is occurring; that would certainly raise awareness. We have a good idea of what such indicators are and developing such monitors is not a far-fetched idea.

Relatedly, I also sometimes fantasize about a deception indicator monitor that could do so in real time as well.

Consequences for Bad Acts

Another important social variable that has changed in recent years is the perception of consequences for bad (criminal) acts.

Seminal research conducted decades ago demonstrated that people’s behaviors were more affected not by supposedly ingrained cultural values or ideologies but because of the sanctioning system in place in which people lived.

That is, people’s behaviors were more affected by perceived rewards and punishments than other internal, psychological factors.

Given that there is clearly a perception of a lack of consequences for “bad” behavior in much of today’s society, no wonder that more bad behavior occurs, including violence, because of a perception that people can “get away with it.” That’s what also happens in anonymized environments such as online chat forums, where people can say almost anything and not be held accountable.

These perceptions permeate all of society today, including our schools.

A recent study demonstrated that teachers are more likely to quit their jobs not because of low pay but because of student behavior. People in many cities live in fear because of the perception that many crimes can be committed without fear of punishment.

Where I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, I have heard people state that they would rather not drive their cars into the city because of fear of vandalism, car jackings, or robberies.

Benefits of Play

When I was a kid growing up, I spent a lot of time outside playing with my friends, as did so many of my generation. A lot of time.

Much research has demonstrated the tremendous benefits of such play time, both physically and mentally. Physically, kids move their bodies – running, hiding, throwing things, jumping, falling, and yes arguing and sometimes fighting.

There’s no question that kids were much more physically active in the past than today. Psychologically, kids had to learn to get along with others and to “play nicely.” That is, we learned valuable lessons about respect, friendship, courtesy, and politeness.

Unfortunately, we have lost lots of that in today’s world. In my experience (backed up by research over the past several decades), kids may not be learning such valuable lessons.

The detrimental effects of the lack of play may be seen in the numerous physical ailments that affect our societies today, including being overweight or obese, or many of the childhood diseases seen today that were rare in the past.

Psychologically, kids have more difficult times interacting with others, respecting boundaries and people, and regulating their emotions. These unfortunate consequences of city life, and more specifically the perceived threats that occur in city life, were undeniably exacerbated during the Covid lockdowns.

As an aside, the major theory of cognitive development in children suggested that such development is facilitated by a child’s manipulation of the physical environment around him or her. But alas, we have reduced the opportunity for children to do so, thereby possibly hindering cognitive development as well.

These effects may be especially apparent in crucial teenage years and young adulthood, in which physical changes are occurring and in which people are finding ways to form meaningful and lasting relationships with others.

Increasing Loneliness in Young Adults

Teenagers and young adults today may find that developing and maintaining such relationships are more difficult compared to the past, contributing to the increased loneliness of the younger generation.

The well-documented negative psychological effects of smartphones and other electronic devices don’t help.

Moreover, the inability to form meaningful relationships with others, especially romantic ones, has been shown to be an indicator of violent tendencies.

These and many other social, cultural, familial, and interpersonal changes have helped to create a population that is lonelier, afflicted with personal or group based grievance, searching for meaning in their lives but having increasing difficulty finding such meaning, living in a social and cultural environment in which violent rhetoric is rampant and within which there are less consequences for bad behavior.

In this case, no wonder it is easier for people to be more disrespectful, rude, aggressive, and yes even violent toward others.

What can we do?

Well, we can’t change society and culture overall. But we can work in our families.

We can spend time talking with each other and providing our families with ways to express themselves and to learn how to interact with others.

We can provide our children and grandchildren with opportunities to move, play, interact and engage with things and others, and to develop their minds and their bodies.

And we can teach and guide them to learn how to be accountable and responsible for their actions.

Individually, we can do things like the following:

If we all do a little something to take our own personal security more seriously, hopefully we can protect ourselves and our loved ones a bit better and make our societies and communities a little safer.

The post How Studying Behavior Can Be Used To Detect Threats first appeared on Humintell.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

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