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Why do some men rape? Understanding the psychology of rapists

In humans, females have greater reproductive certainty than males. This means that while most females will eventually reproduce, a lot of men are can be entirely excluded from reproducing.


 Also, since human females can produce a limited number of eggs and invest much more in their offspring than males, they’re a reproductively valuable resource.


The result is that there’s usually fierce intrasexual competition among men for women and men are predisposed to be aggressive, eager to mate, and less discriminating in choosing mates. (see Why men have a stronger sex drive than women)

Now, men of higher mate value who have resources and are attractive can achieve reproduction by means of attraction with willing women but what about men of lower mate value?

Men of low mate value who lack resources and are unattractive have extra psychological pressure to achieve reproduction whenever they can and so may resort to sexual aggression and rape in a desperate attempt to pass on their genes.

This is why a huge proportion of rapists tend to be poor and ugly, having a low facial symmetry which indicates poor genetic quality.

This, however, does not mean that only sexually deprived men of low mate value commit rape. In their quest for greater reproductive success, men who achieve mating through the means of attraction can also resort to sexually aggressive tactics in circumstances where costs are outweighed by the benefits.

Take war for example.  Rape is common during wars because not only do the aggressing men eliminate other men who would otherwise guard their women, there’s no law and order that can hold them accountable for their actions during such times of chaos.

Another circumstance in which men, not necessarily of low mate value, can rape is when they come to know about or suspect their partner’s infidelity. Partner rapes, especially during a breakup, comprise a significant proportion of reported rapes.

Concerned by the possibility that some other man may have inseminated her partner, the man uses force to inseminate her so that he can win the sperm competition by beating the other man’s sperm to the egg.

Rape in nature

Humans are not the only animals in which sexual aggression and rape is observed. Although rape is a rarity in the animal kingdom, the males of species as diverse as insects, ducks and monkeys have been observed engaging in sexual coercion to force insemination.

In a male scorpionfly, for example, there’s an organ specifically designed to facilitate sexual access to a female in a coercive manner. It’s a type of hook on its wing that enables it to grip the female as it forces copulation.

Though all males in this species have this organ, they don’t all use it. Females of this species prefer to mate with males who bring them a nuptial gift (a dead insect as food). When a male fails to offer food, females aren’t interested in mating and that’s when the coercive technique is employed by the male.

male scorpionfly
A male scorpionfly with its clamper.

Similarly, small orangutan males who’re unable to achieve copulation through intrasexual competition with other bigger males (small size is not good for intrasexual competition) chase and rape the females.

The white-throated bee-eater is a species of bird in which rapists are those individuals who, after breeding early in the season and raising young with a monogamous partner, embark on raping forays.

They chase any female who is still fertile and who has been left unguarded by a male and attempt to force insemination. Clearly, the males of this species are going for greater reproductive success.



References:

McKibbin, W. F., Shackelford, T. K., Goetz, A. T., & Starratt, V. G. (2008). Why do men rape? An evolutionary psychological perspective. Review of General Psychology, 12(1), 86.

Stanford, C. (2009). Despicable, Yes, but Not Inexplicable.

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Why Marriages Fail

Click here to view the embedded video.

Why do some marriages last and others fall apart?

This is a question that troubles countless people who may be worried about their parents divorcing, their spouse leaving them, or that an upcoming marriage won’t last. While there are no easy answers, Dr. John Gottman’s research can help shed light on this critical question.

As anybody in a relationship knows, sometimes major fights stem from seemingly insignificant interactions. Maybe one person bought the wrong milk at the store, failed to hang up a coat, or simply seemed distant in conversation. This can lead to a sharp criticism, spiraling into a significant conflict.

But why is it that these minor instances can explode in such a fashion? Often, they can just be the result of miscommunication or of a lack of understanding of the other’s feelings. The real problem, as Dr. Gottman describes it, arises when contempt enters the equation.

Contempt arises from unresolved negative thoughts about your spouse or the, perhaps subconscious, belief that you are superior. Often, these underlying feelings manifest themselves in the form of overly aggressive reactions, such as hostile humor, name-calling, or body language such as eye-rolling.

Not only do these reactions turn an otherwise minor conflict into an intractable war, but they also lead to more conflict down the line, making this behavior a leading cause of failed marriages. In fact, contempt can even lead to declined physical health, resulting in infectious illnesses like colds and the flu!

Dr. Gottman’s research, demonstrates just how dangerous these attitudes can be to the health of a relationship. While partnering with Berkeley psychologist Robert Levenson, the two researchers studied 79 Midwestern couples over the course of fourteen years. This 2002 study found that contempt, in addition to related behaviors, predicted divorce with 93 percent accuracy.

In a more recent study of 373 couples, Dr. Gottman found that acts of contempt and general disregard in the first year of marriage were strongly related to future divorces.

Given the acute danger of such underlying behaviors, it is especially critical to be mindful and aware of them. Dr. Gottman attempts to provide lessons that can reduce the catastrophic impact of contempt. Instead of focusing on the negative behaviors of a partner, for example, he recommends working to cultivate a sense of appreciation and respect for positive behaviors.

While this can take time and effort, it is important to see how any given interaction helps pave the way towards this sense of appreciation. It is helpful to consider other, related, relationship killers such as criticism.

In the case of criticism, he distinguishes critiques of the person’s behavior from their character, urging couples to avoid criticisms of character in favor of expressing positive desires. Rather than accusing a partner of some deficiency, one ought to express an active desire. This can involve pointedly asking for your spouse’s attention, rather than accusing them of never listening.

For more information on Dr. Gottman’s research, see our past blogs here and here.

The Power of Emotional Intelligence

We’ve all met that absolutely brilliant friend who still cannot read emotion any better than we can read Kant. This is a powerful example of the notion of emotional intelligence, which is often quite different from more traditional conceptions of intelligence.

Instead, emotional intelligence seeks to capture one’s intuitive grasp of other people’s emotional states and their ability to act on this insight.

Dr. John Gottman, who runs The Gottman Institute with his wife Julie, has explored how crucial emotional intelligence can be promoting healthy relationships, such as marriages. Based on his research, he emphasizes the need for couples to be in tune with the sometimes implicit emotional needs of their partners.

In fact, according to a 1998 study, successful marriages often depend on the husband and wife allowing each other to exert influence and control over their actions and behavior. While this is important for both sexes to keep in mind, he also found that men have more trouble accepting influence, seeing this as a loss of power.

While women already tend to allow their husband to influence their behavior, the frequent refusal of men to do so can contribute to tension in the relationship. This is certainly not intended to attack or criticize men, but instead opens the door to an exploration of how both genders are taught to interact from a young age.

In his book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, Dr. Gottman explores the different manners in which boys and girls are socialized as children. Boys’ games, he explains, are focused on winning, rather than on the emotions of those involved. It is generally accepted that some participants will lose or be hurt, and they are expected to handle that pain on their own.

Girls, on the other hand, are taught to emphasize feelings. Instead of dedicating play time to winning, girls will often focus on building relationships with their friends. This provides important training for future romantic relationships by developing an emotional sensitivity and an awareness of social nuances.

Because of the deep developmental roots at play, The Gottman Institute also promotes a course dedicated to helping parents cultivate the emotional intelligence of their children, both male and female.

This leads to the conclusion that husbands (and boyfriends) ought to avoid rejecting their partner’s influence. This can take the form of working to understand the other’s point of view or sometimes simply just doing what they ask without argument.

Dr. Gottman explores some practical applications of this principle by looking at everyday interactions between partners.  For example, this can involve looking beyond the tone or inflection of a critical comment and looking at such comments as “bids for connection” that help promote intimacy through commonplace actions like sharing chores.

In addition, he focuses on cultivating a deep appreciation for the other person’s perspective, accepting their inadequacies, and understanding their hopes or desires. This can be a difficult process, but helps further an understanding of how to recognize “bids for connection” and how to accept the other person’s influence.

For more information on Dr. Gottman and emotional intelligence, check out our past blogs here and here.