“It’s all in your head.” Words everyone who has suffered with anxiety knows well! The thing is… that’s a lie. And it pisses me off. Let me explain
Just about everyone who has anxiety and has sought out help from friends and family has heard the “It’s all in your head” explanation. Your friends and family are trying their best to help but just don’t understand what anxiety is and what it feels like physically. They don’t understand that you aren’t able to control what happens in your head. After all, if it was as simple as changing your thoughts and you were able to change them at will too then you wouldn’t be asking for help right?
Anxiety attacks (or even just severe generalized anxiety disorders) are visceral! They are mental and physical experiences and definitely not limited to just your thinking. An anxiety attack can give you headaches, throw you into a cold sweat, or make even breathing a challenge.
So why do so many people try to control symptoms like these by positive thinking alone???
It seems crazy when you think about it that people still try to control extreme and acute symptoms like the ones above with positive thinking.
My Journey
I’ll let you in on a little known fact about me. I used to have generalized anxiety. I felt a low (and sometimes not so low!) level of anxiety around the clock. Sometimes it would be totally manageable but out of the blue it would rear its ugly head and make socializing or even leaving the house next to impossible!
I am a bookworm, so the first place I went for help was self help books like “ Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude” by Napoleon Hill and “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” By Dale Carnegie. (yes, those are affiliate links) Not to bash these books as classic guides to positive thinking but by themselves they are not good remedies to anxiety.
I tried self medicating by taking massive doses of 5-HTP and Dopa Mucuna beans (They helped the acute symptoms of anxiety but did little to stop the causes.)
I even tried to systematically desensitize myself to my anxiety triggers by being around people and situations which would make me anxious more often.
All of these things worked temporarily but I felt like I was fighting an uphill battle which I couldn’t win. And after talking to other people who suffered from anxiety I knew that this was not an uncommon feeling at all.
This problem was actually what ignited my passion for understanding body language as a tool for personal transformation. I saw a TED talk entitled “Your body language shapes who you are” by Amy Cuddy.
In this talk she describes how our body language shapes who we are and how we feel, not just the other way around. Go take a look at it after you finish this article, you won’t be disappointed!
How This insight cured my anxiety and how it can cure yours
Knowing that our body language literally changes our physiology and our mood, I set out to figure out how to use this knowledge to solve my anxiety.
I learned two more things which let me do this, the first is an idea called anchoring. Anchoring is the idea that when you have a certain posture, or gesture and you associate it over time to a particular emotion or feeling then what you end up doing is building a trigger, when you do the gesture you feel the emotion.
In an article entitled Neuro-linguistic programming treatment for anxiety: Magic or myth? Martin Krugman describes a technique called “anchoring” Which is when you associate a kinesthetic (touch or feeling) sensation with a particular emotion. Although it has been shown to be ineffective in 1 hour therapies, Anchoring is effective when done on a more long term basis.
The second Idea I learned was a military thought process which is used to help soldiers feel less discomfort in the face of uncertainty. This process is imagining the best, worst, and most likely scenarios. In the words of the stoic philosopher Seneca, “He robs present ills of their power who has perceived their coming beforehand.”
My life changed when I brought these three ideas together
Here is the power of these three ideas together you can anchor the best, worst, and most likely case scenarios to different body language, and use your powerful body language not only to change your body chemistry, but also to arouse the emotions and thoughts that everything will be all right! Here is an example…
What I did is this, when I was about to enter a situation which I knew would trigger my anxiety, like going to a hectic night at work, I would ask myself what the worst thing that could happen was. As I imagined all the worst things which could happen to me at work I would focus on maintaining the body language of discomfort, rolling my shoulders forward, looking down, breathing shallow, etc…
Next, I would ask myself what the best thing that could happen was. I would imagine getting compliments from customers, a pat on the back from the boss, and having a good time joking with my co-workers. As I did this I would straighten up my posture, push my chin ever so slightly up, focus on breathing deeply, and hold my hands in an open position.
And finally I would visualize the most likely scenario, going to work and skating by with a few good moments of appreciation and one or two disgruntled customers. When I was visualizing this average situation, I would hold my body in a neutral posture and breathe moderately deeply.
Then while I was at work I would focus on maintaining my posture as close as possible to the best case posture. When I did this I noticed I would feel more confident, and expect things to go well at work (and it became a self-fulfilling prophesy)
Why this technique works.
The thinking process of Best, worst, most likely helps bring your mind into a state where it is most prepared for what could happen.
Simultaneously, the visualization and body language anchoring end up creating a powerful trigger for different emotional states. Your mind learns to follow your body and you have a tool which not only addresses the way you are thinking but also the physiological and hormonal basis of that feeling!
This tool has been invaluable for me and a few people who I’ve taught it to, I hope it will be for you as well!
What I need you to do now are two things.
First, let me know how this technique worked for you in the comments below
Second, If you enjoyed this post share it using the buttons on the side of the page
Sources:
William, I.B. (2009). A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy. New York, NY: Oxford University Press
Krugman, Martin, et al., (1985): “Neuro-linguistic programming treatment for anxiety: Magic or myth?.” Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. Aug, Vol. 53(4) pp. 526-530.
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Selling, like most endeavors you want to succeed at in life, requires a disciplined process, sharp skills, and good planning. Just as there are specific sales skills that need to be honed through continuous learning and practice there are parts of the sales cycle that require attention and planning. Sharpening your sales skills and refining your sales process are great ways to ensure success over the long haul.I will be devoting a series of nine posts to exploring the sales cycle, looking at which principles of influence are most appropriate to focus on at different points in the cycle. My goal for this series is to help you understand how to get the most “bang for the buck” when you’re selling.Let’s start with the sales cycle. Other sales trainers may combine some of these steps and in some businesses the cycle might look a little different. I see the typical sales cycle as an 8-step process, which includes the following sequence: Prospecting – Looking for new potential customers or clients.Initial Meeting – The first contact with a prospect.Qualification – Fact finding sessions primarily designed to assess whether or not you can – or want to – do business with the prospect.Presentation – Presenting your service or demonstrating your product to the prospect to show him or her how it meets some need they have.Objections – Dealing with reasons the prospect might bring up that indicate a hesitancy to move forward.Negotiating – Potentially altering pricing, terms and/or other aspects of your product or service in order to reach a final agreement.Closing – Getting the prospect to agree to do business with you and your organization.Referrals – Getting the names of people or organizations you can approach using the client’s name as a lead-in.The six principles of influence, as popularized by Robert Cialdini, we’ll look at in conjunction with the sales cycle are: Liking – We prefer to do business with people we know and like.Reciprocity – We feel obligated to give back to those who first give to us.Consensus – We look to others to see how we should behave in certain situations.Authority – We often defer to those with superior knowledge or wisdom (i.e., experts) when making decisions.Consistency – We feel internal psychological pressure and external social pressure to be consistent in what we say and do.Scarcity – We desire things more when we believe they are rare or diminishing.Another psychological concept that will come into play throughout the series is the contrast phenomenon. This isn’t a principle of influence but is a psychological concept that works in conjunction with the principles of influence at different times. Contrast, sometimes known as “compare and contrast,” alerts us to the reality that two things will appear “more” different depending on what was presented first.I encourage you to stay tuned because if you do, your ability to sell, and getting to yes, will be much easier when you add the science of influence into your sales approach. Next week we’ll start with prospecting.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.