“He that has once done you a favor will be more ready to do you another than he whom you have yourself obliged.” – Benjamin FranklinBenjamin Franklin was an 18th-century American statesman, scientist, inventor, musician and author. You probably got introduced to him at a very young age when you read that nursery rhyme, “Early to bed”. Once, a person lambasted him publicly with a long speech. This angered him but instead of taking some kind of an outright revenge, he decided to try something different.He realized that his goal was to turn his hater into a friend because, according to his estimation, this man who’d berated him could one day become very influential.So Ben wrote him a letter asking him if he could lend him a ‘scarce and curious book’. Ben worked at and maintained a library at that time and was widely known for having good literary tastes.Needless to say, the hater was flattered and sent the book eagerly. Next time he met Ben in person he talked to him and ‘ever after manifested a readiness to serve him on all occasions.’The Ben Franklin effect What you just witnessed has come to be known as ‘The Ben Franklin effect’.It states that when we do a person a favor, we tend to like them more as a result- even if we didn’t like the person or hated them initially. In other words, you can effect a favorable change in the attitude of a person toward you just by asking them to do a favor for you.At first, it almost seems like magic but there is a good psychological explanation as to why this happens…Consider how you behave when you’re indecisive. If I offer you a chocolate cake you probably won’t show any indecision and will gladly take and eat it. It just tastes so good.However, if you’re watching your weight and I offer you a chocolate cake, indecision can kick in since the potential cost of eating a chocolate could be weight gain.In order for you to eat the cake, the perceived potential benefit of eating it has to outweigh the potential cost of eating it. ( see why we do what we do and not what we don’t do)While you’re still unable to decide whether to eat the cake or not, let’s say I insist that you eat it and you cave in. At this point, your mind will likely slip into a state of cognitive dissonance because you just did an action that didn’t match your psychological state. You weren’t psychologically prepared to eat the cake.In order to restore stability, your mind now has to invent excuses and rationalizations to justify what you did so that your cognitive dissonance is resolved.So you might say something like, “One piece of cake isn’t going to do any harm” or “I’ll do extra cardio tomorrow morning.”The human mind is designed in such a way that it tries its best to do those actions which carry more benefits than costs. If it fails and ends up doing something that carries more costs than benefits it has to somehow convince itself that it didn’t really fail because the knowledge that we incurred more costs than benefits is difficult to handle.When you ask someone for help and they do help you out, even if they had no good reason to do so, they’ll need to invent one. Since we usually help those whom we like, the person’s mind goes like, “I helped him, therefore I must like him.”“Did you just say you don’t like me? Would you mind passing me that bread, please?”In the incident of Ben Franklin, some other factors were at play too that shouldn’t be overlooked. We like it when someone likes our favorite book, movie or TV show because it helps us boost our ego. (see Why we want others to like what we like).In many cases, hatred is just a way to make yourself look better than your competitor. Often, when someone says “I hate you” what they’re really saying is “I hate how you’re better than me.”Ben Franklin’s hater probably hated him because he knew at a deep level that Ben was better than him- hence the need to lambast him publicly. When Ben fed his depleted ego by asking for help (the helper is at a superior position than the helped), he was pleased and ‘ever after manifested a readiness to serve him on all occasions’.He could now think of Ben as his equal or even as his inferior. But we all know who’s really the clever one and superior one over here.
The first 2 years of my business were a strange, psychedelic mix of OMG, WTF and FML.
Lucky for all of us, I came out from it relatively intact and with only minor damage to my brain and ego (or so I think)
Here are some of those gems from my personal collection (and if you don’t get a couple OMGs and AHAs after listening, feel free to kick me in the shins)
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Primed traffic vs Unprimed Traffic
Everything shifts when you make this change. Most conventional advice of FB ads totally misses this part. They all have you sending totally cold, no idea who you are traffic to your OPT IN PAGE!
Money loves speed
Every time I create a programme FAST, it makes me a lot of money. If something if lighting a fire under you – don‘t let it go out!
You are responsible for your brand.
No one else gives a shit. No matter how much you love the people in your team, no matter how much they love you, one day something will get messed up and the only one to pick up the pieces will be YOU.
Start thinking beyond email lists.
Email is only ONE of the many ways you can reach people. This launch I had 30k on my email list but TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND on my pixel list.
Likeability vs Authority:
Some brands position themselves as an authority. They are cool, aloof, they don’t engage. Then you have me. I built my brand on being approachable, I respond to everyone, I send voice notes, I reply to emails. It’s like Ellen vs Oprah (I’m Ellen btw)
Heavy people or light people.
And NO I don’t mean weight. It is how they make you FEEL. Work with people for a small bit first, and notice how you feel when you have to communicate with them. That is going to set the scene for the rest of your relationship.
Courses alone don’t cut it anymore.
If you plan to offer a course, plan another element to go with it. My programs, for example, include my community, my presence, my feedback. And that is what cannot be ripped off.
Live events are the best and the worst.
Suddenly dealing with people one on one – having lunch and dinner and meeting people you have NEVER MET BEFORE. It is all a bit much and totally enriching at the same time
Human beings are assholes.
When you put a human in a position where they can judge you, the assholes will put themselves on a pedestal which they have no place being on. They will be judgy & they will be mean…because YOU just gave them a license to be so. Unless you can handle any kind of feedback at all, do not ask them for it.
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Made to Stick is one of my favourite books when it comes to sticky and memorable messages. This is also the book that I recommend and give as a gift the most. I love it THAT much.
The book teaches you how to craft sticky, memorable messages and how to do that even if you think your idea is lame. . You might think that some ideas are inherently sticky, I did too – but Chip and Dan share a six part framework that allows you to make even lame ideas sticky.
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S – simple. Simple here means presenting an idea in an easy to understand way and to do that quickly. The best way to simplify a hard to understand idea is to use a metaphor. Or equivalence as I call it. For example “Uber for lawnmowers” conveys the idea quickly without having to go into unnecessary detail.
U – unexpected. Our brains react to disruption FAST and it also allows us to cut through the clutter FAST. And let’s be honest if you are talking in the same way that everyone is used to, it’s highly likely that you’ll be ignored. (check out Nordy Stories in the book for more on doing the unexpected in a really good way)
C- concrete. This is all about painting a mental picture. Using sensory words & phrases in your copy is how you best do this. People need to be able to clearly see in their mind what you’re describing.
C – credible. Credibility comes from 2 angles. External; such as an accreditation or endorsement or Internal; where it’s your credibility comes because you found an innovative way to solve a problem. There are some really great examples in the book of these.
E – emotions. Emotions are what drive people …always has, always will. So why is there so often more focus on the logic or the rational aspect of the product? The book has some great ideas on how to tap into emotions to get people to pay attention to your message including the need to belong to a specific group.
S – stories. we all know that stories sell but Heath brothers show us HOW to sell through stories, what kind of stories are the stickiest and why not all stories are created equal.
Even if you aren’t in business the way you present your ideas, how you craft an argument, how you communicate with your children even will CHANGE FOREVER!
Check it out here (NOT an affiliate link)
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