How many of you have to influence difficult people?  Whether it is daily, weekly or every now and again, just the thought of that person has probably seen your nose immediately wrinkle with some level of disgust.

Difficult people are not a problem if we don’t have to interact with them on a personal level such as passing them on the street, sitting in the same train carriage or even sharing an elevator with them.  If we see them being difficult with others we can just dismiss them and move on with our lives.

But, and there is a but, when we have to interact with them, work with them, and more importantly when we have to influence them, difficult people can become major drain on your energy and your physical and psychological resources.

Difficult people tend to relish the interaction, they have boundless energy and always put up a good fight.  If only you could harness their energy for good rather than evil.

In the field of influence we know that it is what you do first that matters most.

If you continue to look upon them as difficult people that is exactly what they will remain.  For some direction here we can look to Irish philosopher and statesman Edmund Burke (1729–1797) who said,

 “He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skill.”

So you can either look upon them as a great adversary, someone who is honing your influencing skills and making you better for the interaction or if this is a bridge too far I’ll bring you back to the point above, use their skills for good rather than evil.

For example, those of you who have ridden a horse before will know that it is easier to ride the horse in the direction it is going rather than try and tear its head off in getting it to change direction, especially a direction it doesn’t want to go in.

So embrace your problem child.  Give them a role to review the work of others, to provide quality assurance, just as the Catholic church used the Devil’s Advocate to argue against the canonization of a proposed saint.  Give the problem employee the role of taking a skeptical view, to look for holes in the evidence and argue for correctness, i.e. use their skills for good rather than evil.

Even if you are opposing people who you can’t give this role to, think of their hard questions, lack of willingness to budge from a predetermined position and general difficult nature as a positive.  They are making your case better and more robust by pointing out the potential weaknesses.  Even if the points they make are not weaknesses take solace in the fact that you can adequately deal with that objection and know that your case is becoming even more bulletproof.

By looking upon them as an ally rather than an adversary you will then be able to cooperate with them, praise them for their tough questions and identify the shared goals you have – all the basis for Liking.  In doing so you will change the nature of the relationship, not by heavy handed tactics or actions that lead to tantrums and tears – instead you create a place for a relationship to build when none existed before.

Change the way you think about influencing difficult people and at the very least they will make you smile!