Social Engineering Blogs

An Aggregator for Blogs About Social Engineering and Related Fields

The Humintell Blog March 1, 2017

9 Ways Your Body Language Can Help You Land a Job

greeting-1296493_1280Eye contact is key.

An interview is something most of us will do several times throughout our careers. Whether it’s for a promotion within your current organization, or a new job in a different company, you need to nail every appearance you make. And while what you say is important, how you say it, and the body language you use is crucial. Here are some basic rules everyone should follow by Paul Michael for TIME Money.

1. Make a Confident Entrance

It has been said that the interviewer can tell within the first 30 seconds if you are going to be a good fit for the company. And most interviewers have already made up their minds between five and 15 minutes. So you need to walk into the room being very self-assured, without looking arrogant or cocky. Stand up straight, walk with purpose, and be both professional and welcoming. You are happy to be there, without being so enthusiastic that you’re as giddy as a puppy meeting its new owner. Offer your hand if they don’t immediately offer theirs, and you will be off to a great start. When it’s time to leave, apply the same rules.

2. Give a Firm Handshake

The key word here is firm. This is not a competition to see if you can crush the fingers of the person opposite you. Some men see the handshake as a test of manliness and strength, which it is definitely not. Think of the way you would grip a golf club before a swing — good enough to hold onto it, without trying to crush the steel. It should not last too long, one to three pumps is all you need to get this done and get onto the proceedings. If your handshake is flimsy or limp-wristed, you may be considered weak or insecure, and that is not a good first impression to give.

If your hands are clammy or sweaty, find a way to dry them off before you shake. This equates to nervousness or illness, and is not something you want the interviewer to be thinking of. And finally… it’s possible the person interviewing you will not shake hands for their own hygiene reasons. If you extend your hand and don’t get one in return, just quickly place your hand back by your side and move on.

For more on handshakes, view this past blog post on 8 handshakes that make unforgettably bad first impressions

3. Make Eye Contact

This is not the same as staring (which some interviewers have said is both unnerving and creepy), or refusing to look away from the interviewer during the entire interview. You simply want to maintain good periods of eye contact, around 10-15 seconds at a time, before breaking to look up into the air when pondering a question, or looking at items around the office while you keep the conversation going. It should feel like you’re talking to a friend.

If you have a hard time looking right into their eyes, look at their nose, or the space between their eyebrows. They won’t know the difference. If you are being interviewed by more than one person, do your best to make eye contact equally with each person, not only the person asking the questions. And remember to smile.

4. Maintain Great Posture

Your usual sitting position in the office is probably far from textbook. Most of us tend to slouch a little in our chairs, even with the advanced in lumbar support. But in an interview, you need to be on your best behavior, and that means sitting up straight without being so stiff that you look like you’re on parade. Your posture should look comfortable, but professional. Chest up, shoulders back, spine straight. Keep your hands on your knees or folded in your lap. If you sit back in your chair too much, you look sloppy, and the interviewer may think you’re not taking this seriously.

On the other hand, if you lean forward too much, you can be considered aggressive. However, doing it from time to time, particularly when the interviewer says something of great interest, is fine. It shows that you are listening more closely, and that is a nice way to express enthusiasm.

5. Mirror Some of the Interviewer’s Moves

A person doing a lot of interviews will usually be comfortable, and express positive body language movements. By mirroring (which is also a common way two people on a date will break down barriers and express interest), you are creating a subconscious bond between the two of you. However, it should be subtle, and used infrequently. If you get into a situation that becomes mimicry, you are going to offend or irritate the other person. They cross their hands, you cross your hands. They scratch their ear, you scratch yours. This is a surefire way to irk the interviewer, and you will not be called back.

6. Don’t Overdo the Arm Movements

We are creatures that communicate with more than just words. In fact, over 90% of communication is nonverbal, and that means you are going to make gestures with your face, your body, and your hands. But don’t get so excited that you’re a windmill. It’s okay to use your hands in a minimal way to help get a point across, but don’t overdo it.

7. Respect the Interviewer’s Personal Space

Most interviews are conducted over a table in an office or conference room, so you shouldn’t have to worry too much about boundaries. However, there are times when you may have to get closer to the interviewer, especially if you are showing work from a portfolio, or you are sat facing each other without a table. When this happens, remember personal boundaries and barriers. No one wants a complete stranger getting too close, and it can also expose them to things like strong cologne, body odor, or bad breath — though hopefully, none of these are an issue.

8. Don’t Fidget

Picking at your nails. Rubbing your head. Twirling your hair. Scratching your nose. Rapidly shaking one leg up and down. These are all annoying little movements that you may well be making unconsciously. A job interview can be nerve-wracking, and when you’re nervous, you might do these things without realizing it. You must get them under control. They will only be perceived negatively. The interviewer will see that you are genuinely nervous. They may also think you’re bored, hyperactive, or want to be anywhere but in that room with them. Practice with a friend or relative, and do everything you can to eliminate these fidgety moves.

9. Don’t Cross Your Arms

Let’s first address this myth that crossed arms mean you’re closed off, bored, defensive, or trying to hide something. This is untrue. For some, crossed arms are simply comfortable, or a way of controlling fidgety hands. And science suggests that when you cross your arms, you are actually using both sides of your brain, and are more likely to stay on task.

However, the myth has become more powerful than reality. Interviewers have been told to believe the pseudoscience, and when they see crossed arms, they think you’re closed off or possibly uptight. In this case, crossing your arms is going to play into the folklore that 90% of interviewers believe to be true, so don’t give them that signal.

For 3 more helpful tips on making a good first impression, view this past blog post!

Filed Under: Nonverbal Behavior

The Humintell Blog February 22, 2017

Introducing the Four Horsemen

No, this isn’t a religious sermon, but it is an important message for anyone in a committed relationship.

In previous blogs, we have delved into several factors that make marriages fail, succeed, and flourish. Building off that work, it is important to examine some of the other major challenges that face married couples. While this focuses on marriages, as always, these principles can apply to all sorts of interpersonal relationships.

Dr. John Gottman, who has spent years studying relationships, warns of the “Four Horsemen,” that can consistently spell doom for marriage. While we discussed one, contempt, in a previous article, he describes the remaining horsemen as criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

Criticism, which we touched on only briefly, constitutes attacks on your partner’s character, often involving ad hominem attacks. Importantly, Dr. Gottman distinguishes between “criticism” and what he describes as simple critiques or complaints.

Essentially, a criticism involves telling your partner that there is something wrong with them, while critiques and complaints presents concerns over specific behaviors or, at their best, offer positive requests for certain behaviors. For example, contrast this criticism: “How can you leave dirty clothes everywhere? Why do you have to be so messy?” with the complaint “Could you try to pick up your dirty clothes?”

The former example involved actually attacking one’s partner, while the latter was framed in the context of an active request. The critical difference, then, between criticism and complaints rests in fostering an acceptance of each other’s needs and in preventing an atmosphere of distrust or conflict. It is in those toxic, criticism-filled, atmospheres that the other Horsemen, such as defensiveness and stonewalling thrive.

Defensiveness is probably all too familiar to each of us. This horseman arises when we face perceived criticism and consider these attacks to be unfair or unjust. Then the defensive partner will attempt to retaliate by lashing out in response, turning the situation around on their significant other.

Building on the example discussed earlier, this could result in the retort that “You are just as messy! Why don’t you clean up more, if it bothers you so much?” Often, this is intended to mitigate the criticism and resolve the situation, but instead it usually fails to end the conflict, perpetuating tension and continuing to undermine trust in the relationship.

Similarly, the final horseman, stonewalling, is similar in some ways to defensiveness, except that it involves a complete withdrawal from the interaction. The stonewalling partner will respond to a criticism, or even valid complaint, by simply shutting down and refusing to respond or address the issue. This can involve leaving the room or completely ignoring your partner.

So, we’ve outlined these apocalyptic relationship habits, but what is there to do about them? The first step, of course, is properly recognizing their signs, but Dr. Gottman offers further advice on managing them properly. He emphasizes the notion of “management” over “resolution,” because these conflicts will inevitably occur, but it is important to better handle them when they do arise.

We’ve already discussed how criticism can be converted into valid complaints, but what about the other two? Rather than becoming defensiveness, we have to work to take responsibility for a given problem. Instead of shifting blame in the dirty clothes example, the partner ought to respond positively and help clean up the house. This needn’t involve taking complete blame, but requires at least acknowledging a sense of shared responsibility.

Finally, sometimes distance from a stressful situation may be necessary, which is the impulse that drives stonewalling. Instead of withdrawal, however, it may be important to agree on taking some time apart to engage in a soothing activity. Just fifteen minutes of time alone can allow couples to revisit issues with compassion instead of anger and frustration.

While these horseman are likely to be constant challenges for any couple, proper management can go a long way towards preserving healthy and happy relationships.

For more information on Dr. Gottman’s relationship advice, see our past blogs here and here.

Filed Under: Emotion, Nonverbal Behavior, Science

The Humintell Blog February 14, 2017

Valentine’s Day and Kindness

As many couples celebrate Valentine’s Day with extravagant dinners, elaborate bouquets, and tasty chocolates, it’s time to consider what can truly make those romantic moments last.

In our previous blog, we discussed the factors that make marriages fail and reviewed some research on how to avoid those mishaps. It is now important to turn to the question of how to make marriages actively succeed.

This is a particularly important question, given how uncommon truly healthy marriages are. According to the psychologist Ty Tashiro, only about three in ten people who get married spend the rest of their lives in happy and healthy relationships.

This may strike many of you as an extremely troubling statistic. We would like to see marriages as idyllic journeys off into the sunset, and it may be depressing to revise this notion. You are not alone. In fact, psychologists like Dr. John Gottman were inspired by skyrocketing divorce rates to learn more about the nature of happy marriages.

Dr. Gottman found that mutual attitudes of kindness are key to preserving happy relationships. These expressions of kindness proved to be effective predictors for satisfaction and marital stability, both Dr. in Dr. Gottman’s work and in other independent research.

There are two ways to look at marital kindness. Either it is a fixed trait that you simply have or don’t have, or it is more like a skill or muscle that is strengthened by repeated use. Dr. Gottman and his wife, Julie Gottman, argue that the most successful relationships are preserved by those who see kindness as a skill to be cultivated. But how can we develop this skill?

In working to answer this question, Dr. Gottman and Dr. Robert Levenson, his colleague at the University of Washington, set up the “Love Lab” in 1986. During a series of studies, they observed the behavior of newly married couples while also monitoring their physiological responses by connecting them to electrodes.

They found that less successful couples showed marked differences in physiology from happier ones. Essentially, some couples exhibited signs of fear and anxiety while interacting with their spouse, constantly preparing for a fight or conflict. This even extended to what ought to have been boring, mundane conversations and was measured with physiological factors such as sweating and heart rate.

The researchers concluded that the more successful couples thrived because they had cultivated a sense of mutual trust, understanding that they could let their guard down and open up. In subsequent research, Dr. Gottman found that this sort of climate must be cultivated, like kindness itself, through repeated acts of emotional connection with your partner.

He observed that couples often offer “bids” for connection, soliciting their partner’s response to happy news or simply observations on the world around them. Couples that accept these “bids” by responding with interest and kindness can cultivate a sense of trust. In fact, he found that 94 percent of couples that work to accept each other’s’ “bids” will stay together over the long-term.

Kindness comes into play by training yourself to recognize and accept these bids and becomes especially necessary when exhaustion or conflict makes this that much more difficult. By wielding and developing this skill, Dr. Gottman’s research provides a path forward to become or remain in one of those happy, healthy relationships that we all hope to have.

For past blogs on Dr. Gottman’s research check out our blogs here and here.

Filed Under: Emotion, Nonverbal Behavior

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • …
  • 87
  • 88
  • 89
  • 90
  • 91
  • …
  • 276
  • Next Page »

About

Welcome to an aggregator for blogs about social engineering and related fields. Feel free to take a look around, and make sure to visit the original sites.

If you would like to suggest a site or contact us, use the links below.

Contact

  • Contact
  • Suggest a Site
  • Remove a Site

© Copyright 2025 Social Engineering Blogs · All Rights Reserved ·