October is Emotional Wellness Month. Emotional wellness, which is also known as emotional health or emotional wellbeing, is a person’s ability to handle their emotions and the varied experiences they encounter in life.
Enjoy this Guest Blog Post By Derya Ozes, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Operational Leader & Executive Coach
As a therapist, organizational leader, and executive coach, balance and boundaries are the first words that come to mind when I think about emotional wellbeing.
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Being in balance with what we need is about self-awareness and responsiveness to what you’re attuned with. For example, when we are hungry or thirsty, we respond by eating and drinking. We do this automatically. However, we don’t respond as automatically when we have boundary-related needs.
Our culture does not always help us respond to these needs as we should. When we are tired or sleepless, we learn to push through to get more errands and work done.
Instead of learning how to set boundaries that work for us (including saying “no” to what depletes us), we tend to say “yes” to invitations without really questioning our “why”. This does not make us weak or irresponsible, it makes us human.
In our humanity we invest in taking care of other people and fulfilling our roles as parents, colleagues, friends, siblings, etc. As we take care of others, we need to learn skills that help us take care of ourselves.
We need to normalize and celebrate asking ourselves questions that consider,
- For whom am I making this decision?
- Am I fully aware of the consequences of this decision?
- Am I saying yes when I really mean, no?
- Do I feel empowered to assert my preferences?
When we respond to these questions, we consider whether we are behaving within our boundaries and capacities or outside of them.
Emotional wellbeing is not about “doing” something in order to check the box. It is about creating a system that honors your needs. This means monitoring your own attention management and the reasons behind your decisions.
Whether the consequence of a decision is nourishing versus depleting of your energy is about being attuned to your boundaries.
Some common boundaries are, physical boundaries, sexual boundaries, emotional or mental boundaries, spiritual or religious boundaries, financial or material boundaries, time boundaries, and non-negotiable boundaries (i.e., values).
Here is one example where multiple boundaries are in competition: you know you should get eight hours of sleep every night (emotional and physical boundary); but, you haven’t made any modifications to your schedule (time boundary).
Congruence is demonstrated by recognizing that you’re depleted, then identifying what you need to do to address this and then committing to that strategy.
If you’re someone who has a packed schedule, mapping out every hour of your day to explore what can be delegated, or what you need to say “no” to can be one way of taking proactive measures toward congruence.
When we align what we are aware of with what we actually do, we create sustainable ways of living that can promote balance and stability with our emotions.
The post What Do Boundaries Have To Do With Emotional Wellbeing? first appeared on Humintell.
Written by Kwame Christian,