What does it mean to live a fulfilling life? What are the predictors of happiness?
Harvard study called the “Harvard Grant Study” undertook these questions, and much more, in their study of 268 male Harvard undergraduates over the course of 75 years.
What did they learn?
1) Love is really all that matters
2) It’s above more than money and power
3) Regardless of how we begin life, we can all become happier
4) Connection is crucial
5) Challenges and the perspective they give you can make you happier
View the video below to learn more:
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I have some persuasive advice for you – Bite your lip and stay silent for a while. Normally when I talk about persuasion I offer up ways to proactively connect on the six principles of influence. But sometimes silence is golden because quite often less is more. Allow me to ask you a few questions to drive home why this is the case.When will people appreciate your advice most? When they ask for it. When do people appreciate your “gifts” most? When they want them. So why do we keep offering advice and giving gifts to people before they ask?There is a time and place for offering up help, sharing advice and giving gifts. Initiating on each of these engages the principle of reciprocity because quite often the other person will feel some obligation to give back to you. However, there are times when they’ll appreciate what you have to offer even more. That time is when they seek you out and ask for it. I’ve noticed this much more as of late at work and home. Since my daughter Abigail was a toddler I’ve always made it a priority to spend time with her. For many years it was a father-daughter group through the YMCA known as Indian Princess. Next it was taekwondo for about five years. More recently it’s been time every weekend at coffee shops. I was the initiator with all of these.When we stopped going to taekwondo it was a combination of her losing interesting plus being busy with high school and an after school job. A while ago she approached me about starting back up with taekwondo. Initially I said no because of my training-related travel, her work schedule and I just didn’t think she’d be dedicated enough to make it several times a week. More time passed and I still resisted which made her want it even more. That’s scarcity in action because the less available something is the more we tend to want it.I finally relented and told her when summer rolls around and she’s on break and my travel lightens up that we’ll join taekwondo for the summer to see how it goes. Do you think she’ll be more into it and appreciate it more because she had to wait and pursue me on it? You bet!Another example happened recently. Abigail shared a string of texts she had with a boy. I had some strong opinions about the “conversation” as I listened but I didn’t offer up any thoughts. I kept reminding myself she’s an adult (she turned 18 years old in December) and can handle herself. Finally she asked my opinion but I didn’t say anything so she asked again. She could see I was thinking and was curious. I knew at that point she’d value what I had to say far more than if I just offered up my opinion unprompted.I’ve also noticed the same phenomenon at work. Over the years I’ve established expertise in several areas but I try to hold back until someone wants what I have. This goes for my training, coaching and consulting. When someone seeks me out, they’ll value what I can offer much more. Here are a few keys to help make this approach more effective.1. Establish your expertise and trustworthiness. Both of these elements will add to your authority and make people rely on your wisdom even more. If you don’t have expertise, at least in business, there’s no real reason people will seek you out. On the flip side, if you’re not trustworthy then it won’t matter how smart you are. You need both!2. Start by giving. Even if you have expertise people may be unaware of that fact. When you start by giving, you show what you’re capable of and engage reciprocity. Doing this helps establish a relationship which will make others feel more comfortable approaching you down the road.3. Withhold a little bit. As noted earlier, people want more of what they can have less of. That’s scarcity. If you constantly offer up advice without being asked or make yourself available 24×7 then you’re missing the chance to leverage scarcity.So next time you’re tempted to jump in with your two cents, bite your lip and remember, quite often, less is more. Give it a try and let me know what you notice about others’ response to you.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world. 
I’ve observed something in the last few years that I think has helped me become a much more persuasive individual and I’d like to share it with you. It’s something simple that you can do if you’re willing to commit an extra 10 seconds every now and then when you’re communicating with others. Here it is – Ask one more question. That’s all; just ask one more question. The interesting thing is people feel compelled to answer questions so virtually everyone will answer you when you ask one more question. What you want to do is ask the question in the same email or conversation in which you provide help for someone.Imagine a coworker has reached out to you for assistance. They sent you an email because they needed some information or insight from you. You share your expertise with them and then you add one more question at the end of the email. That question might be something like one of the following:”Does that help?””Is that what you were looking for?””Is there anything else you need?”Why is asking one more question so important? I think there are three reasons.First, you’re confirming what you’ve provided is what they needed. There’s no miscommunication because they’ll reply to tell you it’s exactly what they were looking for or they’ll clarify and ask you more questions. Either way miscommunication is avoided.Second, your follow up question reinforces what you’ve done for the other person. This engages the principle of reciprocity. Should you ever need help in the future they’ll be very likely to return the favor because this principle of influence tells us people feel obligated to give back to those who first give to them. If you don’t do a quick follow up the other person might get what they need and simply move on without acknowledging what you’ve done for them. While it may seem rude to not acknowledge the help, many people don’t just want one more email. But, when you ask one more question is almost guaranteed they’ll reply.Third, and most importantly, when you ask one more question to make sure they got what they needed people seem to answer much more positively. What I’ve noticed is the response I get is much different than a simple “Thanks!” Here are a few responses I’ve received over the past month:”That is outstanding – thank you – you’re the best!””OMG yes thank you so much! I really appreciate you!””Yes, that makes sense to me. Thank you for reviewing.””Thanks. All good stuff!”I think you can see each response was much better than a simple, “Thank you.” Everyone wins. Each person I helped was very thankful. They felt better about me, which engaged liking, and my authority was enhanced in their eyes. I also benefitted because, as noted above, reciprocity was engaged. If I need help down the road don’t you think each of these people would happily step up to the plate? I know they would.My persuasion advice for you is this – ask one more question this week. Whether by email or phone, after you’ve responded to someone’s request for help ask, “Did that help?” or “Does that give you everything you need?” I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the responses you get. Over time you’ll find it translates into becoming a more persuasive individual.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.