As you know I took two weeks off and went to the Northern Territory with five mates to chase the illusive Barramundi. The fishing was good until the wind set in but the company was always first class.
The drive to our destination was a long one. Three solid days of towing a boat; 3000 kilometres one way! For those who have driven in the outback of Australia, actually anywhere 100 kilometres or so from the coast, you will have noticed that when you pass an oncoming vehicle the driver and sometimes the passenger will most likely wave.
Having grown up in the country I am accustomed to the wave and its many variations including, the single index finger raise, the two finger raise, raising of all fingers on one hand while still holding the steering wheel with the thumb, the full hand raise, the head nod, the hat tip and every type of combination in between.
I remember first inquiring about the wave well before I was ten. My father told me it was customary to wave to people on the road. Therefore I grew up thinking this is what we do. I came to understand that it creates a bond and a sense of togetherness often in the middle of nowhere, even with people you have never met. It especially has a great impact when the person waving back was a neighbour or friend.
As a child I loved it when a milk tanker would go by and we would make the universal “pulling of the horn signal” and the driver would sound his horn or when a sugarcane train would pass and we would use the same signal to get the driver of the loco to sound his horn. Each time resulting in cheers and waves from the kids returning the gesture to the driver.
On my six days of driving to the NT I had time to ponder and test the wave.
RECIPROCITY says that if someone waved at me I should wave back. If I waved at them they should wave back to me; and mostly they did.
LIKING dictated that when a vehicle with a boat was heading the other way we should wave because of what we have in common; and we always did.
CONSENSUS dragged in the backpackers and I think they just waved because everyone else was doing it. I have no doubt many will go home confused about the strange ritual.
When a truckie with a four trailer road train waved you knew that an AUTHORITY was acknowledging your effort to make way for him and his oversized load. I saw many drivers who didn’t make an effort to make space for the massive load and in that circumstance the wave was replaced with a physical challenge of seeing how close the truckie could get to their car without actually clipping it (another type of RECIPROCITY).
Even when I was tired I still waved because that is who I am, a person who waves, so CONSISTENCY says I have to keep it up for all drivers; and I did.
SCARCITY was of course ever present and when I waved and did not get an acknowledgement in return this was met with disparaging comments such as “city slicker” or “I hope you don’t get into trouble buddy”.
But with all good things…
As is the case with all good things and just as I had observed as a child the closer we got back to civilisation and the bigger cities the less people waved. Even from people who would wave in the county they would not wave in the city. Why?
My father pointed out to me as a child if you are stuck in the middle of nowhere, broken down and needing assistance, you want to be a member of that community. You want to know that you are not alone and part of something bigger. You also know that if you pass someone who needed help, who knows when the next car would be along. Therefore implied in the wave is a willingness to join a community and jump in and help when needed and I saw numerous examples of where people had stopped to help each other, inspect damaged trailers and vehicles at service stations to give their advice, or where they just stood around to talk about their journey and the hardships they had endured.
This outback bond is a great aspect of our country and I am grateful to be reminded that it exists.
But, and there is a but.
The greatest impact however was when I came back to the city. Where I don’t need to wave because I have access to the breakdown service and hence no need for the community. I don’t need to connect with people in front of me with a wave because I have service on my phone and the all the social connection it brings.
My two weeks living off the grid with no phone or internet was quickly shattered with the news of the real world. Politicians spouting negativity. Protestors assaulting people. The general disconnect of the modern world.
Sure you have Facebook, Instagram and everything else but try waving to someone on the street. Talk to you neighbour or co-worker. Ask them how their weekend was. Maybe even stop and help someone you don’t know.
In the field of persuasion we know it is what you do first matters most. If you wait for someone else to wave to you first you may never get one and that goes for any other type of behaviour change as well.
So give it a go. Give someone a wave and watch their face light up (probably with confusion but light up all the same).
Thanks for allowing me this little journey down memory lane and back again.
A hat-tip, nod and a wave to you!
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Let’s consider the principles in relation to our ancestors.Liking – One way to engage liking is through similarity. In ancient times someone who looked like you was probably friendly whereas someone who looked different might be an enemy. It became easier to trust those with whom you could quickly tell you had something in common.Reciprocity – If someone helped you it would be wise to help him or her when the opportunity presented itself because you never knew when you might need his or her help again.Consensus – There’s safety in numbers so it was probably a good survival bet to go along with the crowd instead of opposing it. If everyone was in favor of some action your optimal choice was to go along with the group or you’d find yourself ostracized.Authority – We place a lot of confidence in those with superior wisdom and knowledge. It paid to go along with the leader’s direction because opposition could end your life in a multitude of ways.Consistency – To do what you promised would gain you favor most of the time. In turn you learned to rely on those with a track record of coming through as expected whether it was on the farm or on the battlefield.Scarcity – When good opportunities, like food and drink, came along it was a wise choice to take advantage of the opportunity because you never knew if such an opportunity would come around again.In the modern world we may not have life and death decisions very often but the principles help us keep our sanity. In my presentations I like to share a quote from William C. Taylor’s article Permission Marketing, which was written for the magazine Fast Company.“This year, the average consumer will see or hear one million marketing messages – that’s almost 3,000 per day.”Can anyone possibly take in 3,000 marketing messages every day, sort through them all, weigh the pros and cons and make the best rational decision? Of source not! You’d need a super computer to do that. But here’s a scary thought – Taylor’s quote is more than 15 years old! A more recent article on the New York Times, Anywhere the Eye Can See, It’s Likely to See an Ad, puts the number of daily marketing messages we’re exposed to closer to 5,000!
To help us deal with the complexities of modern life we use the principles of influence as mental shortcuts. They help us wade through all the noise and when we hear something that resonates with us quite often that’s all we need to make a quick, satisfactory decision. Liking – A friend tells you the company they used to put in their new kitchen floor and after a few questions you like what you hear so you decide to call the company for a quote. That saves a lot of time because you don’t have to do a lot of research. Reciprocity – You do something that’s helpful, something another person truly appreciates. You sense they appreciate you and believe you want the best for them. It’s only natural for him or her to say, “Yes” if you need their help in return. Now you’re building relationship. Consensus – If everyone is doing it then it must be worth considering. After all, quite often the wisdom of the crowd is better than a few smart people. Therefore best-selling items can usually be relied on over new products or services. Authority – With the crush of modern life it’s easier to turn to accountants for our taxes, lawyers for legal questions and doctors for our health. We find it easier to pay these people for their expertise because it gives us time to focus on things we’re good at and things that are more important to us. Consistency – As society becomes more inter-dependent we rely on each other. A big part of the reliability is banking on someone doing what they said they would. We may be more pleased with a “steady Eddie” worker over the person who sometimes does great work and other times does poor work or misses deadlines.Scarcity – “Sale ends Sunday” is a classic. We don’t want to lose out on the possibility of a great deal so we get off the couch and get to the store before the end of the weekend. Much of the time this is an open door for us to get better deals.So there you have a comparison of the principles of influence in ancient versus modern-day survival. They don’t explain all of human behavior but if you pay attention you’ll see they do explain an awful lot of why people do what they do. Look for ways to ethically and correctly tap into them and you’re sure to be a more effective persuader.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world. 