Social Engineering Blogs

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To Face the Fear, Don’t Press Mute

Guest Blog by AnnMarie Baines

Even in the midst of a pandemic, people still feel the pressure to appear “perfect”. Unfortunately, the pressure to be perfect only increases the fear of public speaking, regardless of a speaker’s experience level.

As a public speaking coach and founder of non-profit, The Practice Space, I have observed more people using the virtual world to hide and avoid that fear completely. By turning off our cameras and putting ourselves on mute, it is easier to opt out of public speaking and observe discussions at a distance, as opposed to being spotlighted and risk judgment and uncertainty.

While it is more equitable to give people the option of whether they want to turn on video, as a woman of color, I also know it is important not to silence ourselves. For those whose voices are unrepresented in powerful places, including women, youth, people of color, the fear of public speaking is already entrenched in histories of oppression and discrimination that instruct us to feel that our voice is somehow inferior. It is even more essential to push back on the conditions that are set up to push diverse voices aside.

Instead of pressing mute, facing the fear of public speaking instead begins with a change in mindset. Public speaking is infinitely more scary when we view it as a test, or feel like we have to defend ourselves on trial. If we view communication as a tool for human connection, then public speaking should be viewed as a chance to teach and enhance understanding. Confident communication emerges when we listen, teach, commit to our ideas, and let go when things don’t go as planned.

Tip #1: Value your connection to the audience.

Regardless of whether we are online or in person, all the anxiety-coping strategies in the world will not help until a speaker personally reframes the goal of public speaking. When the goal is still to “get through the speech unscathed” or “deliver a presentation without any mistakes” or “deliver everything perfectly from memory”, the irony is that speakers are much more likely to be nervous and unsatisfied with their performance. Instead, public speakers need to frame goals that prioritize the effect they want to have on their audience. For instance, public speaking goals such as teaching new ideas, inspiring connections, communicating content that people remember, and encouraging follow-up conversations do not depend on perfection. Rather than having goals that are all about you, effective communication should value connection over seamless presentation.

Tip #2: Expect and embrace discomfort.

Everything in 2020 is deeply uncomfortable, and communicating over a webcam is no exception. That said, for many, public speaking has always been an uncomfortable and somewhat unnatural experience, even before the pandemic hit. Many speakers and performers use visualization techniques, where they prepare themselves by imagining the result they want. Instead of imagining situations where you don’t feel any nerves at all, it can help to imagine the jitters you might have at the start and then imagine them disappearing as you sink into the moment and connect with your audience. It can also help to embrace the reality that public speaking will sometimes feel awful, but also that the discomfort won’t last forever — sometimes, it is only a few minutes.

Tip #3: When you can, always speak about what excites you.

Given how fearful and anxious some people can feel about public speaking, the discomfort is only worthwhile if your message is personally important to you. Sometimes, when I am faced with a speech that is particularly nerve-wracking to me, I will say to myself, “right now, this work is more important than my fears.” While it is always useful to think about what your audience might want to hear, at the end of the day, every speech should always derive from content that drives, motivates, and excites you. When you talk about what genuinely interests you, it is easier to get lost in your message and drown out evil voices of self-critique and doubt. The byproduct is that your speaking delivery will automatically be better because you are speaking from the heart instead of from a place of stress.

When I interview my students about their growth and confidence, it always surprises me that they never say that their nerves have gone away. Even the most advanced students say that the fear is always there, but that they have learned to embrace it. In the words of one of my high school students, who was a champion public speaker and state champion finalist, “So I’m still kind of afraid of talking in front of people and I try to avoid it as much as possible or get other people to go before me, but I’m just kind of on terms with it now. I can choose to rise above it rather than let it inhibit me.” Before we voluntarily put ourselves on mute, take a moment to reflect on why. If it is to listen deeply and learn from others, then mute away. But if it is to avoid fears, then don’t be the one to silence yourself because there are plenty of people out there who will.

Read a previous guest blog by AnnMarie on how to feel less nervous about speaking in public 

The post To Face the Fear, Don’t Press Mute first appeared on Humintell.

How to Feel Less Nervous Speaking in Public

Guest Blog by AnnMarie Baines, Executive Director of The Practice Space

Public speaking can be terrifying, especially if you don’t do it often.

If you have ever felt short of breath, sweaty palms, and nauseous at the thought of speaking in front of others, you aren’t alone. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, over 15 million Americans suffer from social anxiety, which affects men and women equally and tends to begin by age 13. The fear of public speaking falls under the category of “communication apprehension”, which is fear or anxiety experienced by a person due to real or perceived communication with another person.

For the youth and adult students at our El Cerrito-based non-profit, The Practice Space, it is worth facing the fear because it is so essential to self-advocacy, being heard, and feeling represented, especially for voices that are historically underrepresented. (Watch our students express their fears below)

As highlighted by Louisiana State Professor of Communication Studies, Graham Bodie, in his review of studies about the fear of public speaking, our fears can be divided into two categories. Sometimes, the fear of public speaking is part of a general trait, a tendency to experience anxiety related to any kind of communication. Other times, it depends on the state, where our anxiety occurs only in specific situations and time. In terms of situations that raise our anxiety, Psychology Today says this depends on whether we are being evaluated, whether there is a substantial difference in status or power, whether the ideas we’re communicating are new to us, and whether we are speaking in front of a new audience.

Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. It helps to practice and build your self-awareness of what situations make you the most nervous, so that you can hopefully anticipate these feelings in the future and do your best to prepare for them. For students at The Practice Space, this involves a lot of reflection, analysis of past experiences, and for one student, “I choose to rise above it, rather than let it inhibit me” (for more student stories about fears, listen to our podcast).

This is all easier said than done, but try practicing a few coping tips at home to see what works for you:

  • Fear of Evaluation or Judgment: If you fear judgment from others, it helps to do research on your audience and what content they might find most relevant and relatable. Anticipate where the audience might get stuck or frustrated and work that content into your talk. At the end of the day though, it is always best to speak about what most excites you! Don’t script your content, but instead outline the flow of ideas so you can focus on the big picture of what is exciting about your content. Once you get up there, try to find the “nodders”, or the people who look eager to hear your ideas — there’s always at least one!
  • Uncertainty: If what scares you is feeling unfamiliar with the situation, content, or audience, make sure you ask questions ahead of time. If you can, try to gather information about how your talk fits in with everything else, how many people will be attending, what the seating and sound situation is like, and where you are expected to stand. Come up with a warm-up routine that you always do so that you feel some sense of control. Talk to the people around you and get used to chatting with them and build a personal connection before you have to give your talk.
  • Difference in Power: When we have to speak for audiences that we find intimidating, we always have to remind ourselves that people are just people. Reduce the pressure to prove yourself and be kind to yourself — you don’t have to know everything. You can ask questions to learn and you have expertise to offer. In fact, good communicators are genuinely curious about other people!
  • Negative Personal Thoughts: We are our own worst enemies. Instead of beating yourself up for feeling nervous, think about what you are proud of and what you are excited to talk about. Get excited and pumped! Put things in perspective — in reality, the speech is usually over in less than an hour, or even a few minutes. It is okay to pause in the middle of your speech and silences are actually a good thing, especially to reduce the risk of stumbling and let the audience process your message. In terms of general coping, go back to the basics: breathing, sleep, food, and water. It’s hard to conquer fears when your body is deprived! Many of our students also sing, listen to music, meditate, laugh, and even bring “secret weapons” on stage (like a lucky charm, favorite outfit, or special shoes to make them feel secretly powerful).

Facing your fears starts with creating small practice experiences for yourself where you can find early success. Setting small, manageable goals is key to starting to build that self-awareness of what you need and what routines you can begin to internalize. Even when it feels overwhelming, it gets easier.

Is your body language ruining your elevator pitch?

When I used to work in a startup accelerator I heard TONS of elevator pitches. The trend I started to notice was that although the message of the speech was put together well I was bored or even worse I didn’t believe or trust the speaker!

Mistake 1. Frozen hands

The best speakers use their hands frequently but what most entrepreneurs who haven’t been trained in public speaking do is keep their hands by their sides almost the entire time. In his book Winning Body Language Mark Bowden says”Dropping your hands and standing still in front of an audience causes your unconcious mind to wonder why you have made yourself a static target.” (P. 30) 

So while most people who hold their hands to their sides think that it is helping to avoid distracting the audience what it is actually doing is initiating a freeze response in your body and wasting one of your biggest nonverbal assets.

So, what is the solution? 

Use you hands to punctuate and demonstrate your main pointsTurn your palms up and raise your forearms in front of you to convey openness and trustworthinessMake a flat hand and do a single or double ‘karate chop’ to emphasize your belief in a point (really useful for statistics.)Steeple your hands when you want to appear credible and confidentMistake 2. Nervous rocking.

The second mistake many entrepreneurs new to public speaking make is that they sway left and right during their speech. This nervous gesture is a way to expend energy and shows the audience non-verbally that the speaker wants to get out of there as soon as possible!

Solution: plant your feet facing your audience, and if you get nervous take a few slow steps and re-plant.

Mistake 3. Staring into the ether.

staringintospace

I call this mistake staring into the ether because many new speakers will look at the wall at the back of the room in order to seem like they are looking at the audience while still avoiding eye contact. It doesn’t fool anyone though. I’ll admit, when I first started public speaking I was a HUGE offender in this area.

Solution, “Square gazing”

I call the solution circular gazing. Here is how you do it. Look at one person in the front left of your audience, and speak directly to them for 10-20 seconds. After that, move to the rear left, rear right, and front right. Keep moving slowly through this imaginary square looking at new people each time and you are sure to keep your audience engaged.

Mistake 4. The question inflection.

This one is for all you valley girl entrepreneurs out there

 

Speaking in uptalk undermines your message and makes you sound like you are questioning if what you are saying is true. In order to overcome this nonverbal nightmare work on giving your speech with the tone of instructing your audience to do something.

So now I want you to:

Leave a comment on this post. What body language tips are you going to implement into your elevator pitch

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