Social Engineering Blogs

An Aggregator for Blogs About Social Engineering and Related Fields

Hey, it’s The ASSMAN!

I love Seinfeld. It’s like Bugs Bunny, it doesn’t matter how many times I watch the show, it is always funny. One of my favorite episodes is “The Fusilli Jerry.” In that episode a subplot takes place when Kramer accidentally gets the personalized license plates for a local proctologist. As he drives around New York everyone recognizes the ASSMAN.

So what does the ASSMAN have to do with you and me? Have you ever noticed how some people act as if they’re invisible when they’re in their car? They do things, mouth words and sometimes use gestures they probably never would if they were standing next to you or looking you in the eye. The assumed privacy of a car removes some people’s inhibitions. In psychology this is called deindividuation. 
Perhaps you’ve been the one who feels less inhibited, and have done something you wouldn’t have if you’d been looking someone in the eye and they clearly could identify you.
I’ve been there before. In fact, one time on the way to work I knew someone wanted to get into my lane on the highway and I didn’t let him over. Eventually he merged in behind me. Then, as I got off the exit for work so did he. When I pulled into my company parking lot so did he. It turns out he was a coworker, someone I’d known for years. All it took was a glance and he knew it was me who didn’t let him over. I had been acting like the ASSMAN!
I was embarrassed and quickly sent an email apologizing. I told him I wished I could explain it away as a bad day, being in a rush or something else, but I confessed that sometimes I’m just a jerk. My coworker sent back the nicest email and thanked me for apologizing!
Dale Carnegie says when you’re wrong admit it quickly and emphatically. When you admit weakness that’s actually a way to enhance your authority with another person because you build some credibility for fessing up. Odd as it may seem, I think my relationship with that coworker is better now than it was before that highway incident.
Today I’m the ASSMAN but for a different reason. I have personalized plates that read INFLUNC. No, I’m not a poor speller; I’m limited to seven letters on the license plate.
What I’m very conscious of now is how easily it is to be recognized. It’s not that people are saying, “Hey Influence Guy,” but it’s an easy plate to spot and remember. As a result I think I’m a much better, more courteous driver because I’d never want to meet someone then have him or her think, “You’re the jerk I saw on the highway.”
The more we’re conscious of the fact that seldom do we operate in complete anonymity the more likely we are to do the right thing. When we believe no one can tell it’s us, when we believe we can get away with something, many people take advantage. Several of the studies Dan Ariely cites in his book, The Honest Truth About Dishonesty, confirm this.
So here’s a takeaway for those of you looking for positive change in some behavior. Make the choice to do something to create your own accountability. Something as simple as a sticker on your car, public commitment to friends and coworkers, or photos of your family in prominent places around the office can be the necessary first step to doing the right thing and avoid being known as the ASSMAN in some circles.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® 
Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Rejection -The Insane Secret Sauce

Rejection

If you opened this post it is probably because you have been on the receiving end of rejection; a “No”, “Not this time”, “Let me think it over” or just a silent email account or phone call not being returned. 

Just the mention of the word ‘rejection’ triggers a reaction in our limbic brain.  The emotional control centre starts searching for the appropriate response; fight, flight or freeze.

However rejection is one of the best sharpening stones for our persuasive ability.  When you pitch an idea, make a request or lobby for change and get rejected, don’t drop your bundle.  Instead think “What can I have done differently?”

We have heard it before but Tim Ferris author of the 4-Hour Workweek was rejected 26 times before a publisher said yes; Stephen King was rejected 30 times before his book Carrie was accepted; and we all know that JK Rowling heard many many rejections before Harry Potter finally got his wand out at Hogwarts.

What therefore can we learn from a rejection?
1.   It Is Insane Not To Learn From Being Rejected

Einstein said “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.

If you get a “no” don’t do the same thing you have always done and expect a different outcome.

Break it down.  Look at your approach.  Look at the tools you used and find out why you missed the mark.

I have recently had the pleasure of collaborating with Cian Mcloughlin and Trinity Perspectives looking at the application of “Win/Loss Reviews”.  Cian is a great example of a guy who really gets it.

If you win, you need to know why?  If you lose, you need to know why?  The important thing is you need to have a process to fall back on to turn the “no” into a longer term success.

If you are getting rejected ask why.

It is a sign something needs to be fixed, something about your letter of introduction, your pitch, your offer, your website.  It’s broken so ask what you could have done differently and fix it.  Change one variable at a time so you can test and measure success.

2.  The Secret Sauce

But also think of rejection as your own special sauce.  The secret ingredients that will make your requests better than they ever have been before.

You can guarantee that you are not the only one getting rejected but how you deal with it will set you apart.

If others get rejected and drop out of the race, that means there is more opportunity for you.

If you missed the mark ask for feedback on how you could have improved.  If you missed out to a competitor ask how you could have approached it differently.  The answers you will get will give you an insight into the decision makers thought processes and will give you the blueprint for future persuasive appeals.

Ah-ha! The secret sauce!

Rejection is feedback telling you that you are not quite there yet.  Each time you get feedback, learn from it.  Each time you will get closer to the right ingredients to get to yes.

The other up side is when you get a rejection, it gives you time to focus on things you are good at and refine that to a higher degree.

Finally if someone tells you “no” it may be that they were not the right client for you!

 

Tell me what you love/hate about rejection.

 

 

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How To Influence A Crisis

Influence A Crisis

A recent post on the Harvard Business Review Linked In Group by Anastasia Bagryantseva was simply titled “A crisis is a terrible thing to waste”. 

Members obviously resonated with the comment as it attracted 458 comments and 237 Likes (I didn’t bother looking at the Likes on the Comments or Comments on the Comments – that would just be crazy!)

But here is a question for you:

What does the comment “A crisis is a terrible thing to waste” mean for you?

For me I reflect on all sorts of events in my life that could qualify as a crisis.  I have experienced periods that were traumatic and required a critical decision to be made.  I have experienced a number of turning points that qualify as a crisis.  I have experienced emotionally stressful events that due to the heights of conflict and tension required me to deal with it head on and resolve the situation so I continue on.  Each and every crisis required me to do something different.

In the HBR group Helmar Schmidgall offered a different comment “wars bring havoc as well as major breakthroughs in technologies and changes in society”

Helmar is absolutely correct.  Why is it that in war, a terrible crisis, are new technologies created and society evolves faster that it does normally?  The answer is war is the trigger.  It creates an opportunity for people to make a decision, to be influenced to do something different and/or to exert influence over others.

We have all experienced a crisis of one sort or another.  But regardless of the size, a crisis by definition is a crucial stage or turning point in the course of something.  Therefore whether the crisis is real or perceived it is a great opportunity to influence others because of the situation it creates – think of a crisis as a trigger for change!  Yes at times it will be a big hairy unwanted trigger but a trigger none the less.

A crisis as a trigger for change! 

Therefore if a crisis hits you or your organisation I can guarantee it will bring a healthy dose of uncertainty with it.  You often won’t know with certainty what you should do to resolve the crisis.  Therefore the use of Consensus and Authority will be extremely powerful in moving people in your desired direction.  If you are the one experiencing the crisis look outside of yourself toward the actions of those most like you or seek the advice of a recognised expert.

If the crisis involves others then look to the relationship.  This is the perfect time to build, repair or enhance your relationship with them – why because in a crisis no one wants to be alone!  Identify the things you have in common.  Work together to get through the crisis.  Praise them for what they are doing well.  If it is significant for them give them the gift of your time, expertise, network or effort.  Whatever you decide to do, show people they are not alone and don’t be afraid to throw the pronoun “we” around.  “We” is the fastest and easiest way to describe a relationship.  If it is you that is in crisis look to friends or those you have a working relationship to help you work your way through it.

Finally, be mindful of your reaction to the crisis.  If you, your organisation or someone else is experiencing a crisis, be careful of just focusing on the impending loss.  If Scarcity is at play and loss is a reality (hence the word crisis) be sure to show the other person the clear steps to move away from the loss.  If it is you, look to the steps you can take to mitigate loss and move out of the Scarcity mindset into a problem solving, action focused solution.

The biggest thing is breath.  Slow down and think about the opportunities you have to influence a crisis.

Here’s your chance!  Tell me about how you influenced (or could have differently influenced) your way out of a crisis!

 

 

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