I am a big fan of the concept surround yourself with the skills you do not possess. This can mean seeking out a individual different to yourself, working with someone who extends your thoughts and takes it somewhere new or perhaps engaging a whole team that have strengths you do not possess.
I have recently been working on a design piece and I knew I didn’t like what we had, I just didn’t know why. As part of the larger brief I decided to engage a marketing agency that could provide some specialist skills in concept and branding.
At one of the firms I visited I was comfortable form the start. I have followed their work for almost 12 months and have been impressed. I liked them. From the first meeting there was a connection. We were speaking the same language and it just seemed to fit.
So I told them that I had walked in with a brief but also a problem. The problem as I mentioned above was the design element I didn’t like but I didn’t know why. I gave them the back-story on the company. We explored the nuances and where opportunity lay. They wanted a week to think about things and were very clear that they wanted me to come back to look at the ‘draft’ before they presented it to the entire leadership group. Great use of Liking and kicking the relationship off through no-risk cooperation.
With a great deal of anticipation I went back to see them this week. We did the social thing up front and Liking was certainly at play. We spoke around all sorts of topics and laughed and after about 15 minutes we got into the presentation. They presented some background on their methodology and provided an overview on the specifics of what we were about to be shown. They provided plenty of praise for the brief we had delivered and the specific nature of the deliverables.
I deliberately took a female colleague with me to both meetings because the goal we were seeking to achieve is a corporate brand that appeals to women and she was far more qualified than I to make a call on that. Seated, anticipation piqued. The Director of the company stood, walked out of the room and came back with a portfolio. It was face down and this little piece of Scarcity (i.e. I couldn’t see the design work they had done) was killing me.
They said, what they had developed was just to see if they understood the brief and developed entirely from what I said I wanted. Great use of Consistency, as they were about to pitch me something in my own words. They told me if they didn’t get it right they would go back and rethink it – a nice Contrast to some others we had spoken to and as an Authority they were willing to admit upfront if they didn’t get it right but they would go away and fix it.
All the while the director was tapping on the documents, which I still couldn’t see, and this was making me a little distracted with impatience.
Finally, he turned the one and only concept around. I looked at it and then looked at my colleague. And we both smiled.
What they presented was there all along. It was integral to everything we had discussed, yet we were far too close to see it. This team, with their fresh set of eyes, took what we had told them, and had given it back to us with their own spin. A clearer and crisper version of what we had said.
So the question is, could we have come up with this on our own? The answer is no. We had too much baggage and were too close to it. Were they any smarter than us? The answer is again no. They asked the right questions and listened to what we said in order to understand what we were trying to show but couldn’t. Did they possess skills we did not possess? Yes. The depth and quality of the concept was amazing and this was only possible by listening to what we wanted and more importantly to what we didn’t.
In that moment, we were emotionally connected to the concept, the one we had given them, but the one they had gone to the effort of drafting. And then they asked, “Are we pitching against anyone else?” And I said, “As of now. No!”
Implication for you
Sometimes you can bang around for ages on a persuasive problem. Thinking about how best to approach your target of influence. Thinking about the stakeholders involved and their attitude toward your proposal. But I would always encourage you, that once you have thought about the principles of persuasion that are available to you, always sense check it with someone else to see what you have missed. Perhaps present it to knowledgeable others long before you get stuck, to ensure you maintain momentum. If they see something you don’t, it doesn’t mean they are smarter than you, it just means they are not burdened with the same biases and filters you are, having worked on the problem for so long.
Remember: No one person can know everything. Therefore surround yourself with the skills you do not possess. Tell them what you are thinking and let others contribute to your success!
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It’s almost August and football season is right around the corner. All across the country football coaches from Pee Wee leagues up through the NFL are exhorting players to push themselves to be the best they can be. Many will go through grueling workouts; some enduring “two-a-days” and a familiar cry from coaches will be “No pain, no gain!”I remember my high school football coach repeating that phrase many times during my three years of varsity football. The meaning was simple – sacrifice now and reap the rewards later. Lifting weights, running wind sprints, repeating drills, and long practices in the hot summer sun would all be worth it when we achieved victory on Friday nights under the lights in front of our parents, friends and community. In persuasion, “no pain, no gain” has a different meaning but can lead to success just as is did on the gridiron. When trying to influence others it’s good to know this simple concept – people are more motivated by what they stand to lose (pain) versus what they might gain. This is a form of scarcity. The late Amos Tversky, a cognitive and mathematical psychologist, and Daniel Kahneman, a psychologist, studied this phenomenon of human behavior. In fact, Kahneman won the noble prize for his work in this area in 2002.Here’s what Tversky and Kahneman learned – people experience the pain of loss anywhere from 2.0-2.5 times more than the joy of gaining the same thing. So imagine you find $100 bill on the way to your car after work. You’re elated! You drive home with a broad smile, feeling great about your good fortune. You pull into the driveway and walk into your home with extra spring in your step. As soon as you see someone you begin to tell him or her about your good fortune. You reach into your pocket to pull out the big bill…and it’s gone! How do you feel at that moment? Odds are you feel much worse than however good you felt when you found it. And here’s your litmus test; you left the house in a good mood without a $100 bill, got home without the $100 bill, but now you feel bad…really bad!Why is this important to know? Sometimes you have a choice about how you’ll frame a request – highlight the gain or highlight the loss – and that small decision could be the difference between a “Yes!” or “No!” quite often.In one study of homeowners by the University of California, people were given energy saving ideas. One group was told if they implemented the recommendations they would save an average of $180 on their electric bill over the next 12 months. Another group was told they would lose $180 during the next 12 months if they didn’t adopt the recommendations because they would overpay on their electric bill.It’s the same $180 but when the group that was told they would lose heard this, 150% more decided to implement the energy saving recommendations. That’s a pretty significant difference just by changing the way information was presented. It costs no more to say it either way but the end result was huge.What does this mean for you? Next time you present to someone think about how you might highlight potential loss instead of what someone might gain. For example, if you’re in financial services encouraging someone to save a bit more could make a huge difference in their retirement.Gain Approach – Bob, if you can find a way to set aside 1% more of your income that could mean an additional $250,000 by the time you retire.Loss Approach – Bob, if you can’t find a way to set aside 1% more of your income that could mean losing $250,000 by the time you retire!The financial rep employing the loss approach will be more successful over the long run and clients will appreciate the advice when they hit retirement because they’ll have much more in their bank accounts.I’m not encouraging you to be a negative Nellie but I am encouraging you to use language that scientific research has proven will be more effective in helping you hear “Yes!” That’s what this blog is all about – making small changes in your persuasion approach with people in order to generate big differences.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
Marcel Mauss, the late French Sociologist, wrote a book called The Gift. He asserted that gifts are never truly free because reciprocity dictates that people return the favor by doing something for the gift giver. He went so far as to say every human society raises its people in the way of reciprocity.I’m on the Westerville Education Foundation(WEF), a non-profit board that raises money for the Westerville schools when budgets fall short or where budgets may not cover certain expenses. I was persuaded to join the board by two State Auto colleagues who had been through my Principles of Persuasion workshop years ago.A few weeks ago I was manning the WEF booth during a Fourth Friday event, a summer event in which residents pack uptown Westerville for food, drink, and music while vendors display their wares. One way the WEF tries to grab people’s attention is by using a game kids can play and win prizes. While the children play we hand out literature to their moms and dads and quickly tell them what we do.As I volunteered I couldn’t help but notice something that happened in nearly every instance after a child won a prize. One of the parents would inevitably say to their child, “What do you say?” Upon hearing that every child turned to us and said, “Thank you,” before leaving with their prize.That simple act was repeated so often it made me think about Marcel Mauss and his belief that every human society teaches its people to respond to the act of giving. The principle of influence known as reciprocity says we feel obligated to give back to those who’ve first given to us. This is where the phrase “much obliged” comes from. It is a simple acknowledgment that once somebody has done something for us we feel obligated to do something for him or her at some point in the future.As parents teach their children to respond to acts of kindness and gifts with a “thank you” they are conditioning their kids to reciprocate. As the children grow up they learn more sophisticated ways to repay the favor. Eventually acts of kindness are met with thank you letters, thank you cards and return gifts.The key to utilizing reciprocity is to be the first to act, the first to give. Once you’ve given something to another person the principle is set in motion and they feel somewhat indebted to you. If you wait for someone to do something for you, then you’ll be the one in debt.You don’t need a budget to ethically engage reciprocity. Simple acts of kindness trigger the principle. When someone feels what you’ve done for them is genuinely in their best interest – as opposed to an act of giving simply to curry a favor – they’ll want to freely reciprocate most of the time. If you want to become a master persuader then start looking for ways to become a giver. It becomes much easier as you begin to change your thinking from “who can help me?” to “whom can I genuinely help?” Opportunities to give and help are always abundant so take stock in who you are, your resources, talents, etc., and begin looking for ways to use those to benefit others. Don’t be afraid of losing anything in the process because as the late Zig Ziglar famously told audiences for decades, “You can get everything you want in life if you’ll just help enough other people get what they want.” Zig was 100% correct because the more people you help, the more people will want to help you when you need it.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.