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5 Things I Have Learned About Persuasion

Anthony McLean

It probably won’t surprise you to learn that I have been intently interested in people and what makes them tick since I was a small child.  My mother often comments how I was always able to get my chores done without doing them myself; generally at the expense of my younger brother.

Joining the police was as you can imagine a life changing experience but mainly because of the exploration of how and why people do things to each other.  I had the fortunate experience of working in mission critical environments that saw the best and worst of people something that added a whole other facet to my Criminology degree I was studying for at the time.

My journey then took me to the US where I was able to train with Dr Robert Cialdini (the most cited Social Scientist of all time) and you know how that turned out!

Today I provide leaders from organisations of all sizes with scientifically proven strategies to ethically persuade others in their direction.  Below is a breakdown of the 5 things I have learned about persuasion.

Lesson #1 – If You Don’t Ask You Don’t Get

I have always been fascinated by how often potential persuaders talk themselves out of a “YES!” That’s right, more often than not people don’t ever ask the question to get a “No” because they are so convinced that is what they will hear so they never try.  If you ask it is possible you might get a “No” but if you don’t you will certainly not get a “YES!” (except for dumb luck and you can’t build a career/business on that).

Think about it.  We ask people to do things because we want them to say Yes!  All the tools, frameworks and strategies under the sun will not be of any use to you if you don’t ask the question in the first place.

For my upcoming book I set my heights as high as I could regarding those I wanted to interview.  Sure I got a couple of knock backs due to timing but I heard YES! from nearly all I approached because I asked the question.

Key Point:  Ask the question.  Put it out there and see what happens – if they are not already doing what you want what have you got to lose?  But be careful what you ask for just; they might just say surprise you and say YES!

Lesson #2 – Small things really do matter

One thing I was taught in studying for my CMCT designation is that small things make a big difference.  Personally I had experienced this very thing while working at the Homicide Investigation Group.  We were to interview a convicted criminal over a murder we suspected he may have knowledge of.  Simply due to the way we treated him he confessed to multiple murders we didn’t know he had done.  Contrary to many modern day police shows this did not involve any threats; violence or tricks.

We did a small (legal and ethical) favour for him.  We allowed him a small but common courtesy and because we had done this small thing for him (although it was very meaningful for him) it was right he reciprocate and give us something in return; in this case confessions to multiple murders!

Key Point:  Don’t overlook the small things in your persuasive appeals.   It is often the small things that matter most.

Lesson #3 – 3 Critical Steps

In anything, but certainly persuasion there are three key steps.

Pre-persuasion – the preparation and planning phase.  Think about the target of influence, their motivation to say YES! and the strategy that is most likely to work.  Do your research and plan how you intend to move them in your direction.
Execution – this is where you execute the plan and set about influencing the person in your direction.   The best laid plan left unexecuted is just another useless bit of paper!  Once you have finished your plan, set about executing it!  It generally doesn’t get any better with age (unless that is the plan).
Post persuasion – possibly the most overlooked yet critical step is the review/debrief.  The review of the persuasion strategy is critical if you are to learn from the process; further strengthening future endeavours; giving you the language and the knowledge to inform others; standardise the process to learn from mistakes.

Each step is important yet rarely do many execute all three well.

I love it when people say they don’t have time to review their persuasive appeals.  My answer is simple…

“But you obviously have the time to stuff up the next one!”

Key Point:  Make time to plan.  Make time to execute.  Make time to review your efforts and learn for next time.

Lesson #4 – Surround Yourself With The Skills You Do Not Possess

All too often I see people trying to be all things to all people or trying to do everything themselves.  In delivering persuasive appeals it is critical you have the right skills to inform each of the above three critical steps.

Key Point:  If the issue is important enough for you to sweat over it, lay awake at night or just get an elevated heart rate.  Involve other people!  Focus on what you can control and consider what you need to.  For all other aspects surround yourself with a great team of people with relevant and diverse skills and listen to what they have to say.

Lesson #5 – “Them” then “You”

I learned a really long time ago if it was all about me I got very little.  If it was all about the person I was seeking to say YES! I was far more likely to succeed.

It is amazing the amount of emails, marketing copy and even tender responses I am asked to review where it is all about the person or organisation writing the words.  Regardless of whether you are pitching, selling, convincing or negotiating you need to draw the implication for the other person.  This is hard to do if you are always anchoring the content to yourself.  To explain what I mean, if you appear in the sentence before them, i.e. the use of the pronoun “I” or the name of your company, it is about you.  If the pronoun “you”, their name or the name of their company appears first, this is generally a good sign it will be about them.

You will notice in the first paragraph of this point I did not say what is in it for them or use the good old chestnut WIIFM (What’s In It For Me).  The problem I have with WIIFM and how it is taught is that people always focus on the benefits to the other person.  As we know as persuaders people are often more motivated by what they stand to lose rather than what they stand to gain.

Therefore showing your target of influence what is not in it for them if they do not act is a subtlety to WIIFM that is often overlooked.  This is still about them just not in a way we are commonly taught to focus.

Key Point: Focus on the person you are seeking to influence and draw the implication for them – loss or gain.  If the pronoun or your business name comes before theirs – change it and change it now.  It is just habit and one that is counter to your persuasive efforts.

 

This list was never meant to be exhaustive but if you asked me what points of advice I would give my kids, these would feature high on the list!

 

What are some of you greatest lessons you have learned about persuasion?

 

 

 

The post 5 Things I Have Learned About Persuasion appeared first on Social Influence Consulting Group.

Influence is Content and Context

Influence Context

In an interview I recently conducted with Dr Robert B Cialdini (referred to by some as the “Godfather of Influence”) he made a simple point that due to its simplicity could be easily overlooked.  He said something he found remarkable when he was conducting his systematic field based research, that ultimately led to the discovery of the six universal principles of persuasion, was “there are really two domains that are available to increase the success of an attempt to influence someone in your direction”.  

1.  The content of what you are offering

2. The context or the psychological frame in which the offer or request is placed

Too often we focus on the content alone.  We look at the features of our product or service.  We focus on what we do and create a letter, email, pitch or website based around the content.  Yes the content is important but if you focus just on what you do, making it overwhelmingly detailed and polished, you can lose the target of influence long before you have the chance to get them to say “yes” to your request.

The critical aspect is the context.  It is the psychological frame we have the target of influence considering the content from within.  For example, if you go to see the most marvellous painting but when you arrive it is in a dark corner, housed in an old damaged frame, with larger more commanding pieces surrounding it thereby making it appear small and unimpressive.  The painting will probably fail to live up to your expectations.  However take the same piece of art, properly lit, framed perfectly and in a space that allows for its admiration, then the context in which the painting is viewed changes our perspective of it.  The painting itself is the same; i.e. the content is the same.  It is the context in which it is considered that is different.

Therefore when writing an email or preparing for a meeting, whatever, here are my tips.

Get the content down.  Write it out.  Purge your head of the things you need to say.
Once you have the content out then go back and look at context.  Consider the framing, the phraseology and principles that best apply to presenting your case in its best possible light.

In my upcoming book Influencing Business, Dr Cialdini shares the following example:

“A number of years ago, some of my researchers and I went around to the homes in a suburb in the Phoenix, Arizona area where I’m currently living, asking people if they would be willing to donate to a good charitable cause The United Way.  For half of the homes we approached we asked for a donation in the same way that the typical charity solicitor would.  We described the benefits that will come from supporting the organization, the good work that we did and then asked for a contribution.

For the other half of the homes, we did exactly the same thing and then we added five words. We said “even a penny would help”.

Even a penny would help didn’t change the merits of this organization’s good works and how they went about it. None of that was changed, but we suddenly created a situation that made it difficult for them to say no. Because even a penny would help.

What happened was we increased the percentage of people who gave a contribution from 33% to 55% …by simply changing the psychological frame in which we placed that request.” 

This week, consider the context in which you are presenting your requests and ask yourself, is that best possible way to get the target of influence to consider your request.

Let me know where you have seen content presented in partnership with an ill-fitting context.

 

 

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Rejection -The Insane Secret Sauce

Rejection

If you opened this post it is probably because you have been on the receiving end of rejection; a “No”, “Not this time”, “Let me think it over” or just a silent email account or phone call not being returned. 

Just the mention of the word ‘rejection’ triggers a reaction in our limbic brain.  The emotional control centre starts searching for the appropriate response; fight, flight or freeze.

However rejection is one of the best sharpening stones for our persuasive ability.  When you pitch an idea, make a request or lobby for change and get rejected, don’t drop your bundle.  Instead think “What can I have done differently?”

We have heard it before but Tim Ferris author of the 4-Hour Workweek was rejected 26 times before a publisher said yes; Stephen King was rejected 30 times before his book Carrie was accepted; and we all know that JK Rowling heard many many rejections before Harry Potter finally got his wand out at Hogwarts.

What therefore can we learn from a rejection?
1.   It Is Insane Not To Learn From Being Rejected

Einstein said “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.

If you get a “no” don’t do the same thing you have always done and expect a different outcome.

Break it down.  Look at your approach.  Look at the tools you used and find out why you missed the mark.

I have recently had the pleasure of collaborating with Cian Mcloughlin and Trinity Perspectives looking at the application of “Win/Loss Reviews”.  Cian is a great example of a guy who really gets it.

If you win, you need to know why?  If you lose, you need to know why?  The important thing is you need to have a process to fall back on to turn the “no” into a longer term success.

If you are getting rejected ask why.

It is a sign something needs to be fixed, something about your letter of introduction, your pitch, your offer, your website.  It’s broken so ask what you could have done differently and fix it.  Change one variable at a time so you can test and measure success.

2.  The Secret Sauce

But also think of rejection as your own special sauce.  The secret ingredients that will make your requests better than they ever have been before.

You can guarantee that you are not the only one getting rejected but how you deal with it will set you apart.

If others get rejected and drop out of the race, that means there is more opportunity for you.

If you missed the mark ask for feedback on how you could have improved.  If you missed out to a competitor ask how you could have approached it differently.  The answers you will get will give you an insight into the decision makers thought processes and will give you the blueprint for future persuasive appeals.

Ah-ha! The secret sauce!

Rejection is feedback telling you that you are not quite there yet.  Each time you get feedback, learn from it.  Each time you will get closer to the right ingredients to get to yes.

The other up side is when you get a rejection, it gives you time to focus on things you are good at and refine that to a higher degree.

Finally if someone tells you “no” it may be that they were not the right client for you!

 

Tell me what you love/hate about rejection.

 

 

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