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The Humintell Blog November 8, 2011

Being Sociable and Empathetic Don’t Go Hand-in-Hand

There are many reasons in our fast paced world to be socially connected to a plethora of people.   But is is really as beneficial as we think?  Past research has shown that feeling socially connected is both physically and emotionally good for you.

Time Healthland states that new research explores the issue of how people who had a strong sense of social support would behave toward those outside their circle.

The researchers, from Northwestern University, set out to determine whether feelings of connectedness led to tendencies to “dehumanize” others.  “By ‘dehumanization,’ we mean the failure to consider another person as having a mind,” says lead author Adam Waytz.

The researchers conducted a few experiments.  One experiment found that the participants who had written about feeling supported were more likely to dehumanize addicted and disabled people, lowering their rankings of various aspects of mind by about one point on a 7 point scale.

“Even though you are extremely socially connected, at some point, it comes at the expense of the ability to consider the full humanity of those around you,” reported Waytz.

Participants also tended to judge other people more harshly when with a friend than when with a stranger.  “We think there are two reasons,” says Waytz. “One is that experience of social connection draws a circle around you that defines who is in and who is out. It very clearly delineates who is ‘us versus them’ and when it is ‘us versus them,’ people outside appear to be less human.”

Waltz goes onto purport, “The more interesting reason is that social connection is sort of like eating. When you are hungry, you seek out food. When you are lonely, you seek social connection. When the experience of social connection is elevated, we feel socially ‘full’ and have less desire to seek out other people and see them in a way that treats them as essentially human.”

What are your thoughts on this research?  Do you have any examples where this has played out in your life?

Filed Under: General, Nonverbal Behavior, Science

The Humintell Blog November 6, 2011

What’s That Expression Saying?

Take a look at this expression of emotion.

What do you think the man on the right is feeling?

Photos: Getty

David Moyes, manger of Everton a football Club (soccer) team from Liverpool .

Filed Under: Nonverbal Behavior

The Humintell Blog November 4, 2011

How Often Do You Lie?

We all now know (especially if you read our blog frequently) that we lie everyday.  Most of our lies are white lies and harmless enough or are they?

According to Dennis Merritt Jones, a Huffington Post author, keynote speaker and spiritual mentor, some of those white lies are harmful and holding us prison.

In his article, “You Lie More Often Than You Think“  he suggests that we are conflicted between what we really think or want and our desire to not risk the disapproval of others.

Dennis describes an assignment he once gave to his students in a relationship class.  He required them to go one week communicating exactly what they were thinking and feeling to those they came in contact with such as their family, spouses, friends and even strangers.  The exercise revealed that many people are challenged in their ability to be honest.

He also points out that Buddha taught that attachment is at the root of all suffering.  This can mean attachment to anything:  a person, a job, a relationship, exercise, acceptance etc.  Saying ‘No” to someone can be done without harm to you or the person who is requesting something of you.  Just remember when you say “no”, it is not what you say but how you say it.

He goes on to quote Ralph Waldo Emerson, “The only sin that we never forgive in each other is a difference in opinion.”  His advice, ‘Explain to them [the person asking something of you]  that you are not rejecting them, only their request.  Know who you are and be free.’

The article goes on to ask these important questions:

Are you free to have a difference of opinion with others and express it without fear?  Can you say no without fear? And do you offer others the same freedom to say no to you without sending them on a guilt trip?

So, what are your answers?  Are you truly free in your relationships?

Filed Under: Hot Spots

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