Courtesy of StockVault

Social media is dominating the structure of human lives.  Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc are popular all over the world.  People “Check-In” on their friends, their enemies and people they don’t even talk to anymore.

Why do we impulsively “check-in” on people we don’t interact with especially the individuals with which we’ve had a falling out?

The New York Times has the answer – Hate Reading.  According to the article Hate Reading, mostly of social media sites, provides us with “satisfaction from fury-fueled engagement with someone who should theoretically not provide it.”

Katie J. M. Baker, a writer for Jezebel commented, “I usually hate-read alone, late at night when I’m procrastinating, drunk, bored or all three,” she wrote. “When I finally walk away from my computer, I feel like I’ve just binged on a butter-sogged bag of popcorn before the movie even started: I’m slightly nauseated, but still can’t help licking my fingers for more fatty flavor.”

Jillian Sanders is also a self confessed hate reader.  She frequently visits the Facebook page of a high-school classmate she hasn’t talked to in years.

“I don’t know why it infuriates me,” said Sanders, 31, a freelance book publicist. “She’ll often describe, say, how her favorite ice cream flavor makes her happy all day. I feel like she’s lying. I get upset watching people post pictures of a rainbow that says ‘I believe in magic’ — upset that they’re projecting that image and thinking others are falling for it, or that they’re falling for it themselves. Maybe I’m just jealous.”

A Stanford study suggested we underestimate negative emotion in others’ lives (a misjudgment exacerbated by the cheery cast of most social-media personae).  Alexander Jordan, assistant professor of business administration at Dartmouth said, “Some research suggests that downward emotional comparisons can improve people’s well-being.”

He went on to comment in an interview, “It’s when a person’s typically rosy self-view is temporarily threatened that self-enhancement processes, such as finding people to ‘hate’ online, are triggered.  Research has also shown that people who are chronically unhappy or low in self-esteem are more concerned about social comparisons, upward or downward, in general.”

 Come On Let’s Admit it, Do YOU Hate Read?

Photo Courtesy of StockVault

Andrew Boughton, a managing partner of Edge Negotiation Group and Humintell’s affiliate, spoke with Psychology Today and broke down the main points of being a successful negotiator.

Boughton also wrote a chapter in Dr. Matsumoto’s latest book; Nonverbal Communication: Science and Applications. In Boughton’s chapter as well as in his other work, he discusses how paying attention to nonverbal communication is a crucial skill for many business professionals and for communicating in today’s diverse world, “Nonverbal communication can provide a huge advantage in any negotiation.”

Paying attention to body language can help you to read someone emotionally. One of Boughton’s tips is to look for signs of the seven universal facial expressions of emotion (7 in total: anger, happiness, disgust, contempt, fear, sadness, and surprise).

He especially encourages people to look for happiness above the other six,
“You have to constantly look for happiness leaking out of the other party indicating acceptance or at least pleasure with your proposal.”

The leakage Boughton refers to is the unintentional, subconscious expressions of emotions, which “leak” out very quickly via a person’s facial expressions even if they are trying to conceal how they truly feel.  Boughton explains that in order to pick up on facial “leaks” one must have a baseline for the person they are observing.

A baseline of people’s regular behaviors and actions is essential.   A baseline can be established by having a small talk before a negotiation or interview.  Ask non business questions in order to see how the person responds. Once in the interview phase, you will have something to compare their body language to.

“People lie when they negotiate.  They exaggerate their strengths, conceal their weaknesses, and omit pertinent details in order to get a better deal.”

Detecting Deception tips:

– Establish a Base Line

– Look for Leakage in the form of the seven universal facial expressions of emotion – Microexpressions and Hot Spots

– Partner Up- One person can be there to observe the actions while the other person handles the responses.

When trying to detect deception it is important to not rush to conclusions. 

Be efficient and quick if you need to but do not rush! You could miss out on important signs.