Please enjoy this recording of the recent webinar as well as the outline he wrote that preceded it.

Anyone and everyone who expounds an ethical, non-confrontational, empirically-based approach to interviewing acknowledges the importance of rapport. And for good reason: Rapport has been documented in basic social psychological research for decades as a crucial element in any successful human interaction involving coordination and cooperation among interactants. Recent empirical studies have increasingly demonstrated it is also critical to investigative interviewing. Anyone who does investigative interviewing can attest to its importance.

Of course, I am preaching to the choir. As I write this I am reading the IAI February 2020 Featured Blog entitled “Successful interviews: Why rapport is crucial to policing.” It, along with IAI’s recent webinar on rapport, are excellent examples of the importance of rapport in investigative interviewing.

As I have been researching, thinking about, and struggling with this important topic, I have come to realize that we still don’t have good answers to some really fundamental questions about rapport. These include what exactly is rapport? And what is it not? Is it necessary or sufficient for successful investigative interviews? Are there other equally if not more important concepts that are crucial to successful interviews?

Answers to these very basic, but very important, questions are not found in the scientific literature, either.

Still, it seems to me that we should seek answers or clarity to these questions because how we land on them can influence many things, including our understanding about the nature and function of rapport in interviews; how to establish, maintain, and repair it; and whether there are other concepts that we should also keep in mind when conducting interviews.

In this webinar, I will raise these questions, bringing examples from the scientific literature as well as practical applications. I won’t provide a recipe for how to establish and maintain rapport in investigative interviews, because there are so many extremely competent interviewers, especially those certified in the CFI/IAI method! But I would like to raise awareness of some important questions, and possible limitations, of the concept of rapport, and bring to bear whatever scientific evidence there is to address these issues.

The overall goal of the webinar will be to raise awareness about and critical thinking related to this incredibly important concept to investigative interviews.

The post Rapport in Investigative Interviews appeared first on Social Engineering Blogs.

1. Avoid asking too many questions

Asking too many questions in a conversation can turn off your target. He’ll start to suspect you want something from them and will stop talking to you. You instead just say your questions as comments and then stop talking. Your target will then likely respond to your comment and won’t feel interrogated.

2. Provocative statements

Saying something provocative to your target can provide you with loads of information. If he agrees with you he’ll elaborate, if he disagrees with you he’ll start to defend himself while disclosing confidential information.

3. False statements

People have a strong tendency to correct false statements. You can take advantage of this by deliberately making false statements about the thing you want to collect information about. Works better with some people than another.

4. Disbelief

When you question your targets statement he’ll provide more information to get your approval. You can use a third person as a source of the criticism to prevent damaging the relationship with your target.

5. Flattery

Everybody want to hear compliments, you can use this to open up your target to provide more information to you. Can be used with any of the techniques above.

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Rapports have been built for a very long time, and in many different ways.

The term ‘rapport’ (also known as mimicking, mirroring and many more) has one basic idea; to copy your victim’s way of being to resemble themselves and thereby get them to like you.

The basic priciple goes like this:
I act like you -> You think about ‘yourself in me’ (that I am like you) -> You like me (as you like yourself) -> You trust me (as you trust yourself) -> You will want to be like me (in order to trust yourself) -> You will do what I do.
Quite simple, huh?

Like it or not, it works on everyone. It works on me, it works on you and will most definitely work on the customer support of Apple (or whatever you feel like getting for free today).

All of this happens in the subconscious, that way you cannot gaurd yourself against it, and that makes sure it will work pretty much every time.

Verbal Rapport

This is probably the most vital part on building a rapport, as it the most obvious factor to the subconscious mind.

What happens when you do this is that your victim feels comfortable in the way you speak, as it is the way he/she speaks him/herself.

Pacing

Pacing verbal communication strongly influences the depth (strength) of rapport you establish with another person, and is vital to the verbal part of building a rapport.

Pacing volume is a very important factor and shuold be prioritized above many other things.

A person who speaks softly will feel more comfortable speaking to someone who also speaks softly.
In the same way, some who speaks loudly will have more respect for someone who they recognise to have a kindred spirit if you match their volume.

In fact, you might actually sometimes want to exceed the person’s volume to get them to speak more softly.
By reflecting an exceeded reflection you might actually be able to modify their behaviour.

Some people find that they can actually control others by going ‘out of control’, and then getting them to realize that they cannot ‘win’.

The below example is a technique that my father used on me and my brothers, and that I have found to be very handy when dealing with children.

*Child screams* -> *I scream (not at the baby, with the baby) louder* -> *The baby screams louder to test my limits* -> *I scream even louder* -> The child is fascinated by my scream and thereby I gain its respect -> Child falls silent calmly.

This technique works as good on adults who talk to loudly aswell as on the child in the example, with the difference that the adult doesn’t fall silent, but instead talks a bit more softly.

The message in this, that the best way to change someone’s behaviour is to change your own. The resulting change will cause the other person to change to re-establish balance and the illusion of control.

Physical Rapport

The body language is the other vital component in building a rapport, and works pretty much exactly as the verbal one (with the exception of mouth vs. body…).

Rather difficult to explain this progress by words, but the circumstances require me to, so I’ll give it a shot.

Say that you are facing someone who is facing away from you.
Doesn’t feel great, does it?

Now what if that person stands in relation to you as you are to him/her?
That’s better, right?

That is just the point of physical rapport building.

Objects that relate equally to something, are equal

Imagine you being one object, and your victim the other.
If you both relate equally to eachother, you become equal, the main point of this technique.

So, how do we do this?

Straight and simple, what you want to do is to copy pretty much everything your victim does.

Doing this, remember to include things like if he/she is
– Leaning or standing up
– Resting on one leg or both
– looking tired or cheerful
– fiddling with his/her finger or absolutely still

…and many more I’m sure you will discover as you go along.

Test For a Rapport

Ever held a magnet to another?
They stick to eachother, don’t they?

That is just what happens here.

You and your victim meet with totally different stories and conditions, but when you have established a rapport, you are just like the magnet.

But how do you know when you have the ‘magnet-state’?

Try this:

From standing in the same position as your victim, re-position yourself in another position

Now wait a few minutes for your victim to mirror your action.

If he/she does, you have successfully established a rapport.

If not, you have to keep building and try again until you’ve got it.
Another, quite simpler, way of testing for a rapport is to simply change the pacing of your own voice. Note how your target’s speaking rhythm changes, and decide if it’s enough for your rapport to hold.

TTL

No, this did not just turn into a photo tutorial, TTL stands for Take The Lead, and is the reward after all the mess with building seemingly-endless rapports.

Remember the magnet metaphor?
Well, now you’ve stuck to your victim, and have to take charge before he/she drifts off with you attached to him/her.

To do this, simply do what you want the other person to do, and they should follow you.

Now you have successfully created a rapport on your victim, and managed to manipulate him/her to follow your lead. Not bad, huh?

Tips and Notes

Building a rapport on someone is very safe business, you’re practically never caught, and if you are, no one can blame you for you trying to get them to like you and creating a harmonious environment, can they?

Though you want to think about some things:

– If you test for a rapport and fail, bare in mind that you will be starting from about 60 or 70% of what you had before (as you break the sync when you test it).

– When exceeding someone’s volume or pitch, don’t overdo it. This can cause the person to realize what you are doing, and your report is immediately turned into a hyper-conscious screaming contest between two…mentals.

– Building rapports is not something you will be able to do the first couple of times, but as you work on it, it will be more and more efficient and you will need less and less time (my record is ~25 seconds on a client).
Also, after having done this for some time, you will start to build rapports on people without thinking about it. That is the ultimate trigger point; now you’ve built rapports for a long time, and can pursue most people you meet.

The post Rapports appeared first on Social Engineering.

The post Rapports appeared first on Social Engineering Blogs.

So you may want to know how to build one.

I present you The Top 10 Techniques to Build Rapport with Anyone from a book you can find here, called “It’s Not All About Me“

Technique 1: Establishing Artificial Time Constraints

When you approach starngers in Starbucks and start a conversation they can feel a little awkward. That’s because the stranger doesn’t know when the conversation will end.

So to make it easier you can start your conversations with something like “I’m on my way out but before I left I wanted to ask you…”

This way everything will feel more at ease.

Technique 2: Accommodating Nonverbals

The majority of how people communicate is through body language. That means if you display threatening behavior people will not want to talk to you.

Your words and body language must be aligned and non-threatening. And if you smile it’s even better

Technique 3: Slower Rate of Speech

When individuals speak slowly and clearly, they tend to sound more credible than those who speak quickly.

You’ll also sound more confident so make sure to speak more slowly when interacting with other person.

Technique 4: Sympathy or Assistance Theme

“Have you ever felt a pang of guilt for turning down someone seeking help…….. Think for a moment about the times in your life when you have either sought assistance or been asked to provide it. When the request is simple, of limited duration, and non-threatening, we are more inclined to accommodate the request“

This is because in ancient times when everybody was in tribes. If you didn’t help others, they wouldn’t help you so you’d die. It’s the same today.

Technique 5: Ego Suspension

Eho Suspension means that when you’re arguing with somebody you say that they’re right even though you know they aren’t.

This can be hard to do, but it’s also really worthit because tgis technique is probably the most powerful of all ten.

So I encourage you to try it out and you’ll be amazed.

Technique 6: Validate Others

Everybody wants to be liked. And everybody is seeking approval others, and when you give it to them they’ll start to like you and will want to be around you to receive that approval.

Validation Technique 1: Listening

The easiest thing you can do is linsten to what the other person is saying. That may sound simple but it really isn’t. You need to REALLY listen and can’t think about anything else or the other person will sense that you’re not really listening.

Validation Technique 2: Thoughtfulness

“Thoughtfulness is probably the most commonly used of the validation techniques but in a limited manner. I want to emphasize it here because I have found through my practical application of these techniques, as well as study of personality types, that few people naturally use this to its fullest potential, and, most of the time, we don’t realize when it is being used; all we know is we really like the person who gives it“

Thoughtfulness simply means that you care about others well-being. For example asking “How are you doing“ etc.

Validation Technique 3: Validate Thoughts and Opinions

“Most human beings are very self-centered. We are biologically bred to be self-centered as a survival mechanism. That is why when in stressful survival type situations, our natural inclinations are to take care of our own safety first then the needs of others. That is also why when we witness what we consider heroic acts of others, we are recognizing how some individuals have defied their own genetics and biology and made a choice to put others’ needs and wants first. These are considered admirable qualities because they go against our innate egocentric survival mechanisms“

This is similar to Ego Suspension, you can’t correct a person if they say something you know is wrong. All human beings naturally make a connection with people who think like them. So if you seem to be like them they’ll want to be around you.

Technique 7: Ask… How? When? Why?

I think you already know what this is and how it works.

In a conversation asking people How? When? Why? signals that you care about them. These questions are also good when you don’t know what to say, you simply ask a question about something the other person said earlier. That way you never run out of things to say.

“One of the key concepts that every great interviewer or conversationalist knows is to ask open ended questions. Open ended questions are ones that don’t require a simple yes or no answer. They are generally questions that require more words and thought. Once the individual being targeted in the conversation supplies more words and thought, a great conversationalist will utilize the content given and continue to ask open ended questions about the same content“

Technique 8: Connect With Quid Pro 

This means that you give a little information about yourself in order to get information about the other person, or to open them up.

This technique is good with people who are very introverted or guarded but otherwise you won’t need to use it that much.

Technique 9: Gift Giving (Reciprocal Altruism)

“Most people would feel badly if they received a gift and forgot to say or send a thank you note to the giver.  When someone does you a favor you most likely want to reciprocate with gratitude. Great rapport builders and conversationalists use this desire proactively during every conversation. This technique, coupled with ego suspension, are the cornerstones for building great relationships. This is also the easiest technique to utilize, because gifts come in many forms, from non-material compliments, to tangible material gifts. Gift giving, or reciprocal altruism, is hardwired in our genetics“

Receiving a gift feels good doesn’t it, but you also feel bad if you don’t reciprocate and give a gift to the other person.

In caveman times when the hunters returned back to the tribe from hunting, they either shared the food or they didn’t. When they didn’t others wouldn’t share food with them, so if the next time they weren’t so successful or becae injured they’d die because nobody would help them.

Technique 10: Manage Expectations

“Every conversation or engagement with another human being has an agenda. Another definition of agenda might be objective or desired outcome.  Sometimes the agenda is to sell you a used car. Sometimes the agenda is to share a secret. Other times, it is simply to make another person feel better. Regardless of the situation, whether it is an altruistic intention or not, there is an agenda. The individuals in life that are able to either mask their agenda or shift the agenda to something altruistic will have great success at building rapport“

When you manage your expectations so that the conversation is for their benefit and not yours you’ll be at ease and not look sleazy. Which is great.

If you want to learn more about building rapport, be sure to read the book.

The post Top 10 Techniques To Build Rapport With Anyone appeared first on Social Engineering.

The post Top 10 Techniques To Build Rapport With Anyone appeared first on Social Engineering Blogs.

So why is proxemics of any interest to you as a social engineer? Well when it comes to gaining physical access, looking to influence and / or manipulate someone this is really important. This is very much linked to your body language and other non verbal cues, but where you position yourself has an impact on how you are perceived, the position or structure you are trying to portray as well as territorial aspects you may be trying to convey with your physical positioning.

The social boundaries are what you would consider acceptable in a public / exhibition environment (not the local social club / pub). If you were waiting to meet someone, or speaking to a stranger to ask directions this is the typical personal space requirements that would be considered normal in most parts of the western world. Distances greater than the social boundary are more public spaces, like visiting a park, or museum, etc.

The personal boundary is the area I would imagine most people feel is invaded on a more regular basis. This area tends to be where we are happy for friends and close colleagues to venture into, and what we could consider a more ideal spacing if we are waiting for the bus. When people breach this boundary we can often feel threatened and looking to withdraw, or considering the option of standing our ground even though it may be an uncomfortable and stressful experience.

The intimate boundary is reserved for those we are most closest and trusting of, this is because at such a close range we are very vulnerable so trust is of paramount importance. A slight exception to this is when we are happy for us to whisper something we value to us, and for this we have happy to grant a temporary reprieve and allow that person in to share information, before getting the hell out.

As mentioned before, ethnicity and culture we will result in variances in this, but I quick bit of people watching will help establish a quick baseline of the cultural  norm. You will of course experience the odd one out, who for variance reasons will keep a distance from you, or be all up in your face as part of their natural way of communicating, so even though it will feel awkward judge other non verbal cues to establish any possible intent before reacting. During our interactions people can possibly move through various boundaries depending on the social situation, intent of the interaction, the topic of discussion and even their gender.

So when you are next involved in an onsite engagement, and you are attempting to build rapport and influence individuals or groups be sure to give some thought to your proximity along with other verbal and non verbal cues we have discussed before.

Thanks for reading, and until next time happy hacking.

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