Communication Archives - Social Engineering Blogs http://www.socialengineeringblogs.com/category/communication/ An Aggregator for Blogs About Social Engineering and Related Fields Tue, 15 Sep 2020 17:32:02 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.12 Nonverbal Communication During a Global Pandemic https://www.humintell.com/2020/09/nonverbal-communication-during-a-global-pandemic/?pk_campaign=rss_feed&pk_kwd=nonverbal-communication-during-a-global-pandemic Tue, 15 Sep 2020 17:32:02 +0000 http://www.humintell.com/?p=37209 How has the COVID-19 pandemic changed the way we interact with one another? Does mask wearing alter the way we communicate? Humintell Director Dr. David Matsumoto has recently been interviewed for a number of publications regarding nonverbal communication during a global pandemic. Please see below for the most recent news articles, podcasts and interviews! 8/23/2020…

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How has the COVID-19 pandemic changed the way we interact with one another? Does mask wearing alter the way we communicate?

Humintell Director Dr. David Matsumoto has recently been interviewed for a number of publications regarding nonverbal communication during a global pandemic.

Please see below for the most recent news articles, podcasts and interviews!


8/23/2020

(Radio Health Journal) Reading Our Masked Faces

PODCAST: With faces hidden behind masks for COVID-19, we are losing some of the visual information we depend on for smooth communication. Experts discuss the awkward encounters and specific looks we’re likely to misinterpret when we can’t see other people’s mouths.

 


8/14/2020

(National Geographic) How Facial Expressions Help Robots Communicate with Us

VIDEO: A wrinkled nose, raised eyebrows, a frowning mouth—all can say a lot without uttering a single word. Facial expressions are the closest thing humans have to a universal language, and it could change our relationship with androids and other human-like robots.


8/14/2020

(Wall Street Journal) How to smize (smile with your eyes) when you’re wearing a mask

ARTICLE: Service employees in the Covid era practice a modeling move coined by Tyra Banks to show customers a happy face


8/14/2020

(Inverse) Three Tips to Communicate Clearly Behind a Mask

ARTICLE: Although there was some initial confusion, one thing has become clear six months into the Covid-19 pandemic: wearing masks helps limit viral transmission.


 

8/8/2020

(Inverse) How to be “Crystal Clear” over Zoom, Slack, and remote communication tools

ARTICLE: Before 2020, working from home was a rare perk for most people. But now, remote work has become the norm for two out of three American workers.


8/2/2020

(Philadelphia Inquirer) What’s the fate of hugs, handshakes, and high-fives in a post-pandemic world?

ARTICLE: Experts and on-the-ground greeters like Sylvester and Weinstein aren’t sure what the future of hugs, handshakes, and high-fives will be in a post-coronavirus world, but one thing is certain: It’s going to get awkward before it gets better.


6/25/2020

(KCBS Radio) Wave and a Nod: Smiling with a mask on proves challenging.

INTERVIEW: When we communicate with each other, the face has a lot to do with it – smiles, frowns and other forms of expression with the mouth. Now that we’re all wearing face masks to prevent the spread of COVID-19, we’re trying to find new ways to get our emotions across.


6/23/2020

(NY Times) Masks keep us safe. They also hide our smiles.

ARTICLE: Face coverings may be here for a while. How can we adapt to a world where facial expressions are invisible?


6/10/2020

(CNN) Coronavirus has stolen our most meaningful ways to connect

ARTICLE: Before emojis, before writing, before speech, there was non-verbal communication; body language, touch and use of physical space. Of all ways we communicate, the roots of non-verbal communication run the deepest. To show it and to know it is part of being a human.


5/22/2020

(Atlantic) We’ll Be Wearing Things on Our Faces for a Long Time

ARTICLE: You can choose between a mask and a face shield, but you can’t choose nothing.


5/21/2020

(Medium) I See You but I Don’t: How Masks Alter Human Connection

ARTICLE: They can disrupt our ability to communicate and connect. But there are ways to overcome a mask’s necessary downsides.

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Dr. Matsumoto Podcast Interview Part 2 https://www.humintell.com/2019/07/dr-matsumoto-podcast-interview-part-2/?pk_campaign=rss_feed&pk_kwd=dr-matsumoto-podcast-interview-part-2 Sat, 20 Jul 2019 00:54:45 +0000 http://www.humintell.com/?p=35349 Last week, we began discussing Dr. David Matsumoto’s podcast interview, but we weren’t able to get to all of it. So, now time to discuss the second half! This time around, Dr. Matsumoto expounded on topics including the connection between deception and microexpressions, the role of gestures in communication, education, and artificial intelligence. One of […]

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Last week, we began discussing Dr. David Matsumoto’s podcast interview, but we weren’t able to get to all of it. So, now time to discuss the second half!

This time around, Dr. Matsumoto expounded on topics including the connection between deception and microexpressions, the role of gestures in communication, education, and artificial intelligence.

One of the important uses of microexpressions is their role in deception detection and lying. Even when somebody is trying to mask their true emotion, signs of it will “leak out” before they are able to sport the smile or passive expression that would hide their feelings. This is even more likely when that underlying emotion is particularly intense.

These “leaks” don’t necessarily prove truth or deception, but they may show that the emotion being expressed is not the expression being experienced. This can be the case for their gestures, body language, or facial expression.

Dr. Matsumoto connects this idea to the use of microexpressions. It is these ultra-quick expressions that get produced, but they are very hard to notice. Even people who notice a strange expression struggle at interpreting it. That is why most of the research involves video taping people and looking at the tapes frame by frame.

After this discussion, the interviewer sought to understand how different behaviors translate to their underling emotion.

While this is a big question, Dr. Matsumoto started by discussing different kinds of gestures. For example, certain types of hand waving exist to “animate speech.” These do not have inherent meaning, but this is still important in conveying excitement or word emphasis. Other gestures, called “emblems” can have specific verbal messages and include the “thumbs up,” among many others.

Gestures help with communication, but they also strengthen our own cognition. In experimental settings where hand gestures are constrained, people are shown to struggle at performing certain tasks, such as memory tests or mathematical problems.

Both Dr. Matsumoto and the interviewer emphasized the role of nonverbal communication in education. Clearly, an educational context is shaped by environmental factors, the behavior of the professor, and the way that professor conveys information.

Because these environmental factors determine a lot about a communicative context, as we discussed last week, Dr. Matsumoto emphasized the need for teachers to arrange classrooms as they saw necessary to determine certain sorts of educational engagement.

Similarly, while society emphasizes “what to say,” it often does not focus on how teachers should say things. Even if we praise (or chastise) a student, it is very important how this is done, in terms of the gestures and nonverbal behaviors conveyed by the teacher.

Finally, the interview ended with a discussion of artificial intelligence and how machines can be made to communicate effectively. Dr. Matsumoto stressed the need for machines to resemble humans but suggested that there was still uncertainty over exactly how human the robot looked.

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Dr. Matsumoto Podcast Interview https://www.humintell.com/2019/07/dr-matsumoto-podcast-interview/?pk_campaign=rss_feed&pk_kwd=dr-matsumoto-podcast-interview Tue, 09 Jul 2019 17:31:20 +0000 http://www.humintell.com/?p=35314 Communication may be much vaster than we thought. In a new podcast, Humintell’s Dr. David Matsumoto helps explain the non-verbal world of communication to wider audiences. He emphasizes that non-verbal communication is anything that does not include verbal language, but the varieties of non-verbal communication are almost endless. One of these is based in the […]

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Communication may be much vaster than we thought.

In a new podcast, Humintell’s Dr. David Matsumoto helps explain the non-verbal world of communication to wider audiences. He emphasizes that non-verbal communication is anything that does not include verbal language, but the varieties of non-verbal communication are almost endless.

One of these is based in the environment. What is the lighting of the conversation? Is music playing or is there a specific sound? This helps communicate something. Similarly, our personal characteristics, such as how we dress, convey something revealing about our personality, without us even opening our mouths.

Dr. Matsumoto also describes “behavioral traces.” Even when we are not in the room, certain aspects of our personality can be conveyed. For instance, if somebody were to enter your house without your presence, they would see how you have laid out your room. They would see what you put on the walls. Each of these things communicates something to that person.

While these forms of communication are not Humintell or Dr. Matsumoto’s focus, they help show how many things we can use to understand people and how vast the potential for communication without words is.

Of particular focus, however, are non-verbal behavior which includes the microexpressions, body language, and other slight activities that we engage in. While words are incredibly powerful, they must inevitably exist within a context of non-verbal behavior, and non-verbal communication more broadly.

In fact, when verbal messages contradict non-verbal messages, most of the information we garner from the conversation come from the non-verbal messages. Even though we are often bad at reading these forms of communication, there is still some instinctive receptivity, according to Dr. Matsumoto.

After discussing non-verbal messages, the conversation shifted to whether expressions are universal, which is of course a major topic of this blog.

Dr. Matsumoto emphasized the biological research showing the presence of expressions, emotions, and behaviors across cultures. This tendency is innate in us from the level of infancy, but it is also quickly modulated and influenced by the culture that we are in. Our cultures helps shape what we would feel emotional about, for instance.

When asked about the impact of globalization and cultural homogenization, Dr. Matsumoto pointed out that this is a significant cultural force and that, especially in urban areas, cultures are increasingly merging. However, it remains unclear what impacts this will have on cultural expression and serves as a potentially fascinating place for future research.

The only preliminary research about homogenization in communication has come at the level of gestures. Traditionally, gestures have been thought to be incredibly specific to cultures, but Dr. Matsumoto’s work has found that people are able to recognize certain gestures, like “thumbs up”, no matter what culture they have come from.

Please stay tuned for a blog on the rest of this fascinating podcast! And let us know what you think about these exciting ideas.

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Machiavellianism Q&A Summary + Download http://www.socialengineeringblogs.com/machiavellianism-qa-summary-download/?pk_campaign=rss_feed&pk_kwd=machiavellianism-qa-summary-download Thu, 09 Jun 2016 18:49:01 +0000 http://modernmachiavelli.com/?p=1266   To my magnificent readers! As requested, a condensed version of the Triple Question & Answer Session by IllimitableMan, Illacertus and Modern Machiavelli including a pdf to download. You can download the pdf below:   Modern Machiavelli – Triple QA of Power   Feel free to share the pdf, the whole article or parts of it, as long as you refrain from editing it. You also are required to link to the following article to avoid confusion: http://modernmachiavelli.com/q-a-power-machiavellianism/   Workplace Question: What is the best & fastest way to get ahead and promoted at work? Answer (MM): You won’t like this answer but

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  To my magnificent readers! As requested, a condensed version of the Triple Question & Answer Session by IllimitableMan, Illacertus and Modern Machiavelli including a pdf to download. You can download the pdf below:   Modern Machiavelli – Triple QA of Power   Feel free to share the pdf, the whole article or parts of it, as long as you refrain from editing it. You also are required to link to the following article to avoid confusion: http://modernmachiavelli.com/q-a-power-machiavellianism/   Workplace Question: What is the best & fastest way to get ahead and promoted at work? Answer (MM): You won’t like this answer but

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Psychological Manipulation Techniques http://www.socialengineeringblogs.com/psychological-manipulation-techniques/?pk_campaign=rss_feed&pk_kwd=psychological-manipulation-techniques Wed, 01 Jun 2016 11:24:01 +0000 http://modernmachiavelli.com/?p=1246 A list of almost 200 psychological manipulation techniques in no particular order; to you, my magnificent reader. Most are aimed at getting people to do what you want, but some also protect you from being deceived.  5000 words.     I decided to leave out cognitive biases and fallacies since the posts is quite long the way it is. But rest assured that I am going to dig into those two topics sometime in the future. Psychological Manipulation Techniques & Tactics   Never show people that you are upset, for it makes you appear weak. Social Justice Warriors take notice!

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A list of almost 200 psychological manipulation techniques in no particular order; to you, my magnificent reader. Most are aimed at getting people to do what you want, but some also protect you from being deceived.  5000 words.     I decided to leave out cognitive biases and fallacies since the posts is quite long the way it is. But rest assured that I am going to dig into those two topics sometime in the future. Psychological Manipulation Techniques & Tactics   Never show people that you are upset, for it makes you appear weak. Social Justice Warriors take notice!

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What’s in a Name? http://www.socialengineeringblogs.com/whats-in-a-name/?pk_campaign=rss_feed&pk_kwd=whats-in-a-name Mon, 25 May 2015 21:30:00 +0000 http://www.socialengineeringblogs.com/?guid=1d02478971a6507e82ea11902759c48f
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." That famous quote comes from William Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliet. Juliet utters that line to Romeo as she makes the point that no matter his name (he was a Montague and his family was at odds with Juliet’s family, the Capulets) he is still the man she loves.

It’s a well-known line that does contain an element of truth because the rose would smell every bit as sweet no matter what we called it. However, if we renamed the rose something like “The Dogcrap Flower,” very few people would be willing to even sniff it.

This understanding came to light recently when I approached an individual about an idea I had. I wanted to rename something but I knew this person was heavily invested in the current name. Here’s how I approached the conversation:

Me – Have you ever had Patagonian Toothfish?

Other – (making an “ewe gross” sound) No, I don’t think I have. Sounds kind of gross.

Me – Have you tried Chilean Seabass?

Other – Yes, I love it.

Me – Did you know they’re the same thing? (I hear a chuckle). Nobody was buying Patagonian Toothfish because it sounds bad so they renamed it Chilean Seabass in the 1970s. I bring this up because I think we have a naming problem.

From there I described the problem and the other person agreed rather quickly to explore the name change.

Aside from an example like that, names, words and labels matter a lot! And it doesn’t always matter what the dictionary has to say about what a word means because ultimately we give meaning to words. Understanding your audience and their interpretation of words is what matters most. Here are a few examples.

Thug – a violent criminal (Merriam-Webster)

We heard this word used repeatedly in connection with the recent Baltimore riots. It’s true that those who looted and destroyed were violent criminals. However, many people came down hard on those who used the word – including Baltimore’s mayor and President Obama (both African-American) – because in society the word has become more closely associated with African-Americans. There was a time when the word was used to describe Irish immigrant criminals, gangsters in the 1920s and 1930s, and even former Detroit Piston center Bill Lambier. But the connotation in today’s media is so heavily skewed towards African-Americans that it’s becoming a race-related word.

Niggardly – hating to spend money, very small amount (Merriam-Webster)

In 1999 David Howard used this word when referring to the budget for Washington D.C. and was relieved of his position after a race-related complaint. Eventually he took a different position working for the city and said he learned from the incident.

Bastard – a person born to parents not married to each other (TheFreeDictionary.com)

We can probably all think of someone we know who was born to parents who never married. If you used this word to describe that someone you’d probably get popped in the mouth or get an earful of condemnation for being insensitive. Most people in that situation would have no problem talking about their parents never marrying but would not take kindly to the label.

There was an urban legend about the Chevy Nova not selling in Spanish speaking countries because in Spanish Nova means “no go.” There was no truth to the story but it too belies the point that a name can have a profound impact on the listener.

What does this have to do with persuasion? A lot! Understanding your audience – what words will help and what words will offend – and keeping in mind your ultimate goal will help you craft your persuasive message.

Do we want to see race relations improve in this country? I believe the vast majority of people would say yes. Tossing around the word thug, when you know how it will be perceived, is not something a smart persuader would do. If an African-American mayor and president can’t avoid controversy then neither will you.

Budgets may be tight but the wise persuader would not use the word niggardly – no matter how the dictionary defines it – because they realize someone will be offended and their message will be lost.

If you want to help tackle the issue of children being born out of wedlock you best not refer to those children as bastards because you’ll offend so many people that your desire to help and good ideas will never be heard.

Yes, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet but rename it incorrectly and almost nobody will take a sniff. The words we use can make all the difference so make sure your words work for you, not against you.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT® 
Chief Influence Officer

influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

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“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” That famous quote comes from William Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliet. Juliet utters that line to Romeo as she makes the point that no matter his name (he was a Montague and his family was at odds with Juliet’s family, the Capulets) he is still the man she loves.It’s a well-known line that does contain an element of truth because the rose would smell every bit as sweet no matter what we called it. However, if we renamed the rose something like “The Dogcrap Flower,” very few people would be willing to even sniff it.This understanding came to light recently when I approached an individual about an idea I had. I wanted to rename something but I knew this person was heavily invested in the current name. Here’s how I approached the conversation:Me – Have you ever had Patagonian Toothfish? Other – (making an “ewe gross” sound) No, I don’t think I have. Sounds kind of gross.Me – Have you tried Chilean Seabass?Other – Yes, I love it.Me – Did you know they’re the same thing? (I hear a chuckle). Nobody was buying Patagonian Toothfish because it sounds bad so they renamed it Chilean Seabass in the 1970s. I bring this up because I think we have a naming problem.From there I described the problem and the other person agreed rather quickly to explore the name change.Aside from an example like that, names, words and labels matter a lot! And it doesn’t always matter what the dictionary has to say about what a word means because ultimately we give meaning to words. Understanding your audience and their interpretation of words is what matters most. Here are a few examples.Thug – a violent criminal (Merriam-Webster)We heard this word used repeatedly in connection with the recent Baltimore riots. It’s true that those who looted and destroyed were violent criminals. However, many people came down hard on those who used the word – including Baltimore’s mayor and President Obama (both African-American) – because in society the word has become more closely associated with African-Americans. There was a time when the word was used to describe Irish immigrant criminals, gangsters in the 1920s and 1930s, and even former Detroit Piston center Bill Lambier. But the connotation in today’s media is so heavily skewed towards African-Americans that it’s becoming a race-related word. Niggardly – hating to spend money, very small amount (Merriam-Webster)In 1999 David Howard used this word when referring to the budget for Washington D.C. and was relieved of his position after a race-related complaint. Eventually he took a different position working for the city and said he learned from the incident. Bastard – a person born to parents not married to each other (TheFreeDictionary.com)We can probably all think of someone we know who was born to parents who never married. If you used this word to describe that someone you’d probably get popped in the mouth or get an earful of condemnation for being insensitive. Most people in that situation would have no problem talking about their parents never marrying but would not take kindly to the label.There was an urban legend about the Chevy Nova not selling in Spanish speaking countries because in Spanish Nova means “no go.” There was no truth to the story but it too belies the point that a name can have a profound impact on the listener.What does this have to do with persuasion? A lot! Understanding your audience – what words will help and what words will offend – and keeping in mind your ultimate goal will help you craft your persuasive message.Do we want to see race relations improve in this country? I believe the vast majority of people would say yes. Tossing around the word thug, when you know how it will be perceived, is not something a smart persuader would do. If an African-American mayor and president can’t avoid controversy then neither will you.Budgets may be tight but the wise persuader would not use the word niggardly – no matter how the dictionary defines it – because they realize someone will be offended and their message will be lost.If you want to help tackle the issue of children being born out of wedlock you best not refer to those children as bastards because you’ll offend so many people that your desire to help and good ideas will never be heard. Yes, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet but rename it incorrectly and almost nobody will take a sniff. The words we use can make all the difference so make sure your words work for you, not against you.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

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The Funnel Approach to Questioning and Eliciting Information http://www.humintell.com/2015/02/the-funnel-approach-to-questioning-and-eliciting-information/?pk_campaign=rss_feed&pk_kwd=the-funnel-approach-to-questioning-and-eliciting-information Fri, 06 Feb 2015 21:26:58 +0000 http://www.humintell.com/?p=32323 Written for Tactics and Preparedness, Issue 15, January 2015 By Dr. David Matsumoto, Dr. Hyisung Hwang and Vincent Sandoval Broadly speaking, elicitation refers to procedures or techniques involving interacting with and communicating with others, formally or informally, that is designed to gather knowledge or inform. Eliciting information from anyone who is uncooperative is a difficult task. Elicitation can occur in many different contexts, […]

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2015-02-06_13-25-16Written for Tactics and Preparedness, Issue 15, January 2015
By Dr. David Matsumoto, Dr. Hyisung Hwang and Vincent Sandoval

Broadly speaking, elicitation refers to procedures or techniques involving interacting with and communicating with others, formally or informally, that is designed to gather knowledge or inform. Eliciting information from anyone who is uncooperative is a difficult task. Elicitation can occur in many different contexts, including very impromptu, informal situations such as everyday conversations and social interactions (e.g., a “chance” meeting at a cocktail party or other social gatherings) or very formal ones that are scheduled and occur in a predefined place (e.g., a job  interview). In this article, we provide tips to eliciting information during relatively more formal interviews, which we define as an overt activity for the purpose of information gathering. That is, an interview is a conversation with a purpose.

A list of questions by itself does not constitute an interview. Instead, one should prepare for interviews by crafting relevant questions to address specific topics to explore with the subject prior to conducting an interview. Preparation is essential to effective interviewing, including conducting and analyzing background reports, collating corroborating or disconfirming information, interviewing other individuals, gathering relevant forensics and other physical evidence.

Even when it comes to the interview, there are many things to consider, and it is important to understand the interview within the broader context than just the interaction between interviewer and subject. Interviews occur in a certain place and time, between two or more individuals who often come from very different backgrounds, cultural perspectives and goals. Sometimes subjects (and interviewers) come to the interview with deep-seated hatred and disrespect for each other. In many instances subjects may be uncooperative or cooperative up to a point. Interviews take place in a specific setting and much consideration needs to be paid to configuring those settings to maximize the effectiveness of the interview.

Effective interviewers rarely just jump straight to the point of the interview at the outset by asking very direct questions
about a very specific topic. Instead, effective interview strategies involve the development of some degree of rapport between the interviewer and subject. The development and maintenance of rapport can be very tricky and demanding, especially with an initially uncooperative subject. Establishing rapport needs to be part of an effective interview strategy.

There are many different types of interview strategies and tactics. Below, we provide some broad-stroked tips based on our
knowledge of the existing science relevant to interviewing as well as what has been vetted in the field with years of experience, which can be flexibly applied to a variety of settings.

Continue reading this article by clicking here

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The Messenger Can Make All the Difference http://www.socialengineeringblogs.com/the-messenger-can-make-all-the-difference-2/?pk_campaign=rss_feed&pk_kwd=the-messenger-can-make-all-the-difference-2 Mon, 14 Jul 2014 21:30:00 +0000 http://www.socialengineeringblogs.com/?guid=31a777c42463973d6249df0adc886b73 Sometimes it’s not what you say but how you say it that can make all the difference. And sometimes it’s not what is said but who said it that makes all the difference.

I bet most of you would agree that our children are vitally important to our future. After all, at some point each of us will be retired and the fortunes of our investments and the direction of our country will be in the hands of the next generation – our children.

The late Whitney Houston said as much in her enormously popular hit song, Greatest Love of All. The song opens:

I believe the children are our future

Teach them well and let them lead the way

There’s another well-known quote that goes like this, “He alone who owns the youth gains the future.” Any idea who said that? If you’re like most people you probably didn’t know it was Adolf Hitler. I’m guessing despite the reality that children are our future and that you might have even agreed with the quote, it probably doesn’t sit well with you now that you know who said it.



Sometimes the messenger can make all the difference! If Whitney Houston had sung, “He alone who owns the youth gains the future,” and Adolf Hitler had said, “I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way,” we’d all feel exactly the opposite about the quotes.
This comes to mind because a church in Alabama used the Hitler quote on a billboard to advertise their youth group! There may be truth to Hitler’s words but no one with any gumption about how to persuade would try to use Hitler’s words in a positive way because he’s considered one of the most evil people to ever walk the planet. Would you want to send your kids to a youth group that’s quoting Hitler?

In persuasion the principle of authority tells us it’s easier for people to say yes to those who have superior wisdom or knowledge. To effectively use this principle of influence you need two things – expertise and credibility. Without both you’ll never succeed. For example, Bernie Madoff has expertise. Despite his pyramid scheme, he does know about investing. But would you trust him with your money? I hope not!

On the flip side, you probably have friends you’d trust your life with … but not your money, because they have no expertise when it comes to investing.

Whether it’s investing, taxes, legal advice, etc., we want people we can trust and those we view as having expertise if we’re to do what they suggest.

Authority can also be borrowed. When I present I use lots of quotes from well-known people. I do so for a couple of reasons.

First, if I say something, people might agree with me, but if Dale Carnegie, Ronald Reagan or Dr. Martin Luther King say it, people will more easily agree because their reputations precede them.

Second, my use of quotes shows I'm well-read and that does add to my personal authority. If people view me as well-read then they naturally assume I'm smarter for it and are therefore more willing to listen to what I have to say.

However, when I choose to use a quote I’m conscious of what it says AND who said it. Many infamous people have made true statements (even a broken clock is right twice a day!) but I would almost never use them because the reaction would be the same as your reaction to Hitler’s quote.
Here’s the bottom line if you’re looking to be a master persuader. Keep your reputation intact so people trust you and continue to develop expertise in your chosen field. When you need to borrow authority, make sure the quote and messenger will both be acceptable to your audience. Do these simple things and your ability to get to yes will go up rather dramatically.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT® 
Chief Influence Officer

influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

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Sometimes it’s not what you say but how you say it that can make all the difference. And sometimes it’s not what is said but who said it that makes all the difference.I bet most of you would agree that our children are vitally important to our future. After all, at some point each of us will be retired and the fortunes of our investments and the direction of our country will be in the hands of the next generation – our children.The late Whitney Houston said as much in her enormously popular hit song, Greatest Love of All. The song opens:I believe the children are our futureTeach them well and let them lead the wayThere’s another well-known quote that goes like this, “He alone who owns the youth gains the future.” Any idea who said that? If you’re like most people you probably didn’t know it was Adolf Hitler. I’m guessing despite the reality that children are our future and that you might have even agreed with the quote, it probably doesn’t sit well with you now that you know who said it. Sometimes the messenger can make all the difference! If Whitney Houston had sung, “He alone who owns the youth gains the future,” and Adolf Hitler had said, “I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way,” we’d all feel exactly the opposite about the quotes.This comes to mind because a church in Alabama used the Hitler quote on a billboard to advertise their youth group! There may be truth to Hitler’s words but no one with any gumption about how to persuade would try to use Hitler’s words in a positive way because he’s considered one of the most evil people to ever walk the planet. Would you want to send your kids to a youth group that’s quoting Hitler?In persuasion the principle of authority tells us it’s easier for people to say yes to those who have superior wisdom or knowledge. To effectively use this principle of influence you need two things – expertise and credibility. Without both you’ll never succeed. For example, Bernie Madoff has expertise. Despite his pyramid scheme, he does know about investing. But would you trust him with your money? I hope not!On the flip side, you probably have friends you’d trust your life with … but not your money, because they have no expertise when it comes to investing.Whether it’s investing, taxes, legal advice, etc., we want people we can trust and those we view as having expertise if we’re to do what they suggest.Authority can also be borrowed. When I present I use lots of quotes from well-known people. I do so for a couple of reasons.First, if I say something, people might agree with me, but if Dale Carnegie, Ronald Reagan or Dr. Martin Luther King say it, people will more easily agree because their reputations precede them.Second, my use of quotes shows I’m well-read and that does add to my personal authority. If people view me as well-read then they naturally assume I’m smarter for it and are therefore more willing to listen to what I have to say.However, when I choose to use a quote I’m conscious of what it says AND who said it. Many infamous people have made true statements (even a broken clock is right twice a day!) but I would almost never use them because the reaction would be the same as your reaction to Hitler’s quote.Here’s the bottom line if you’re looking to be a master persuader. Keep your reputation intact so people trust you and continue to develop expertise in your chosen field. When you need to borrow authority, make sure the quote and messenger will both be acceptable to your audience. Do these simple things and your ability to get to yes will go up rather dramatically.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

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I’m Sorry Dr. Mehrabian, I Really Am http://www.socialengineeringblogs.com/im-sorry-dr-mehrabian-i-really-am/?pk_campaign=rss_feed&pk_kwd=im-sorry-dr-mehrabian-i-really-am Mon, 17 Feb 2014 10:07:00 +0000 http://www.socialengineering101.org/blogs/?guid=611e3e22e482d37222d5caa1c5871f1a
I owe Albert Mehrabian, Ph.D., an apology. I suspect a lot of other people do as well.

Dr. Mehrabian is a Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). He garnered widespread attention for his research in the area of non-verbal communication in the 1960s. If you’re in business then it’s very likely you’ve been exposed to his work. Here’s what you might have heard or read:

In face-to-face communication only 7% of your message is based on what you say. Your tone of voice accounts for 38% and your body language is 55%. On the phone it’s 13% words and 87% tone of voice.

This prompted many people – me included – to place too much importance on tone of voice and body language during communication training. It’s not bad to work on those areas to make your communication more effective. The problem is that it has us putting too much emphasis on tone and body language.

It’s amazing how a story told from a speaker platform, mentioned in a book or noted on a blog is simply taken as gospel. After all, that well-respected speaker, author or blogger wouldn’t make such a glaring mistake … would he or she? I certainly did.

I’ve come to understand nearly everyone of us has misinterpreted and misapplied Dr. Mehrabian’s work. This came to light a few weeks ago when I wrote about The Importance of Congruent Messages When Persuading. At that time I also saw a social media post from a friend that prompted me to read more about Dr. Mehrabian and his work. Here’s what I found.

Dr. Mehrabian’s work very specifically had to do with communicating feelings and attitudes. If subjects felt there was inconsistency between a person’s words and tone or body language then they took more of their cues from the tone and body language.

An example would be an apology. Two people can use the very same words and one person might be whole-heartedly believed while the other might not. It’s easy to utter the words but if the apology is not sincere it’s very likely the tone of voice, facial expressions or other body language might convey a different message. You can probably think of a time where someone said the right words but you knew they didn’t mean it because of other cues you picked up on.

On the other hand, if you go to a presentation about home ownership you’re probably not assessing – consciously or unconsciously – the believability of the message based on the speaker’s tone of voice or body language. If you contend with anything it will most likely be the facts (words) he or she uses during the presentation. There’s little in the way of attitude or feelings to be assessed in such a fact-based presentation.

So now what? By all means, don’t discount tone or body language when communicating because both can enhance your presentation tremendously. As I’ve worked on voice inflection and body language over the years I know my presentation skills have improved significantly. But don’t forget, content is king in most presentations. You don’t want to leave a meeting and have people remember what you wore but not what you said. After all, the reason for a meeting or presentation is to convey ideas so everything you do should enhance the message.

Let me conclude by saying I’m sorry, Dr. Mehrabian, I really am. I’ve learned a good lesson and hope you can forgive me. If you could hear me and see me I’m sure you could tell my tone of voice and body language are in line with my apology. My 7%-38%-55% messaging is congruent.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® 
Chief Influence Officer

influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.


Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini "Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world. 

The post I’m Sorry Dr. Mehrabian, I Really Am appeared first on Social Engineering Blogs.

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I owe Albert Mehrabian, Ph.D., an apology. I suspect a lot of other people do as well. Dr. Mehrabian is a Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). He garnered widespread attention for his research in the area of non-verbal communication in the 1960s. If you’re in business then it’s very likely you’ve been exposed to his work. Here’s what you might have heard or read: In face-to-face communication only 7% of your message is based on what you say. Your tone of voice accounts for 38% and your body language is 55%. On the phone it’s 13% words and 87% tone of voice.This prompted many people – me included – to place too much importance on tone of voice and body language during communication training. It’s not bad to work on those areas to make your communication more effective. The problem is that it has us putting too much emphasis on tone and body language.It’s amazing how a story told from a speaker platform, mentioned in a book or noted on a blog is simply taken as gospel. After all, that well-respected speaker, author or blogger wouldn’t make such a glaring mistake … would he or she? I certainly did.I’ve come to understand nearly everyone of us has misinterpreted and misapplied Dr. Mehrabian’s work. This came to light a few weeks ago when I wrote about The Importance of Congruent Messages When Persuading. At that time I also saw a social media post from a friend that prompted me to read more about Dr. Mehrabian and his work. Here’s what I found.Dr. Mehrabian’s work very specifically had to do with communicating feelings and attitudes. If subjects felt there was inconsistency between a person’s words and tone or body language then they took more of their cues from the tone and body language. An example would be an apology. Two people can use the very same words and one person might be whole-heartedly believed while the other might not. It’s easy to utter the words but if the apology is not sincere it’s very likely the tone of voice, facial expressions or other body language might convey a different message. You can probably think of a time where someone said the right words but you knew they didn’t mean it because of other cues you picked up on.On the other hand, if you go to a presentation about home ownership you’re probably not assessing – consciously or unconsciously – the believability of the message based on the speaker’s tone of voice or body language. If you contend with anything it will most likely be the facts (words) he or she uses during the presentation. There’s little in the way of attitude or feelings to be assessed in such a fact-based presentation.So now what? By all means, don’t discount tone or body language when communicating because both can enhance your presentation tremendously. As I’ve worked on voice inflection and body language over the years I know my presentation skills have improved significantly. But don’t forget, content is king in most presentations. You don’t want to leave a meeting and have people remember what you wore but not what you said. After all, the reason for a meeting or presentation is to convey ideas so everything you do should enhance the message. Let me conclude by saying I’m sorry, Dr. Mehrabian, I really am. I’ve learned a good lesson and hope you can forgive me. If you could hear me and see me I’m sure you could tell my tone of voice and body language are in line with my apology. My 7%-38%-55% messaging is congruent.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”. Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world. 

The post I’m Sorry Dr. Mehrabian, I Really Am appeared first on Social Engineering Blogs.

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The Importance of Congruent Messages When Persuading http://www.socialengineeringblogs.com/the-importance-of-congruent-messages-when-persuading/?pk_campaign=rss_feed&pk_kwd=the-importance-of-congruent-messages-when-persuading Mon, 27 Jan 2014 22:30:00 +0000 http://www.socialengineering101.org/blogs/?guid=8d5fcaac5d7d13d76aacaab583e62e39
I had in interesting Facebook exchange not long ago. Someone posted a picture of an attractive young woman wearing a t-shirt that had the following message on the front, “To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid.”

To be honest I didn’t pay attention to the rest of the post, which read, “Reinvent yourself with enhanced awareness, renew yourself with enhanced tolerance and regenerate yourself with enhanced wisdom.”

Focused on the picture and the saying imprinted on it I light-heartedly commented, “But if you're too stupid when you're young you may not live long enough to become old and wise.  : ) ”

My Facebook friend replied, “@Brian: You mean ONLY stupid people die young?? Just to refocus your observation on the quote which is my thought - it is not on the t-shirt.”

I replied one last time to let him know I didn’t think only stupid people die young. Of course, the more stupid things you do, the more risk you run of harming yourself, but even people who make good decisions experience bad things.

This week’s post isn’t about Facebook or the stupid things young people sometimes do. What stood out to me after the exchange was the following communication problem that’s all too common – the message was incongruent.

You see, the picture of the attractive lady stood out and in my mind the message on her t-shirt had nothing to do with my friend’s quote, which was what he really wanted to convey to readers. Again, his quote was, “Reinvent yourself with enhanced awareness, renew yourself with enhanced tolerance and regenerate yourself with enhanced wisdom.” If there was a connection, then how many others missed it too?

When you’re trying to communicate with someone, perhaps even trying to persuade him or her, you’d better be sure every part of your message is congruent.

For example, if I conduct a sales training session for business professionals I’d be foolish to not dress in a suit and tie or sports coat at a minimum. If I went to a training session dressed as I do on the weekends my appearance will detract from my message. People have expectations about how a sales trainer will dress just like you probably have ideas about how a minister should look at a wedding or a lawyer in a courtroom. When there’s a mismatch people can lose focus and the last thing you want is someone focused on how you look rather than your message.

We also have expectations for the environments we find ourselves in. We don’t act the same in church as we do at work, a bar, or in a college classroom. We conduct ourselves differently in each place and acting like you’re talking in church to a room full of college students will lose them faster than they can update Twitter.

When you want to communicate a message make sure everything has a purpose and that every part of the message builds to your main point. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say after a training session, “It was pretty good but he kept going off on these tangents that had nothing to do with the workshop.” If you have stories to share, make sure they add to the message and don’t detract from it.

Practice helps and perfect practice makes perfect. Do you ever ask someone for feedback on a presentation before you give it? Running through your presentation with another, as you would if your audience were right there, will help you in multiple ways. One big way is to make sure the person sees how everything ties together. If you have to stop and make the connections for them then you might want to rethink your approach.

The same can be said of writing. Have someone proof read your articles and blogFree webinar! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini "Influence" Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.  posts. Have them challenge you and if something doesn’t make sense, ask yourself if there’s a better way to convey the message. Again, if you have to take extra time to explain what you mean then that should be a signal that other readers might not get your point either.
Communicating a message is like traveling to a destination. Usually the shortest, most direct route is best. If you want to get there in a hurry then limit your excursions and make sure everything is working together like a well-oiled machine. The extra time and effort will be worth it when people go, “Ah, I get it.”

Brian Ahearn, CMCT® 
Chief Influence Officer

influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.


Free webinar! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini "Influence" Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world. 

The post The Importance of Congruent Messages When Persuading appeared first on Social Engineering Blogs.

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I had in interesting Facebook exchange not long ago. Someone posted a picture of an attractive young woman wearing a t-shirt that had the following message on the front, “To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid.” To be honest I didn’t pay attention to the rest of the post, which read, “Reinvent yourself with enhanced awareness, renew yourself with enhanced tolerance and regenerate yourself with enhanced wisdom.”Focused on the picture and the saying imprinted on it I light-heartedly commented, “But if you’re too stupid when you’re young you may not live long enough to become old and wise.  : ) ”My Facebook friend replied, “@Brian: You mean ONLY stupid people die young?? Just to refocus your observation on the quote which is my thought – it is not on the t-shirt.”I replied one last time to let him know I didn’t think only stupid people die young. Of course, the more stupid things you do, the more risk you run of harming yourself, but even people who make good decisions experience bad things. This week’s post isn’t about Facebook or the stupid things young people sometimes do. What stood out to me after the exchange was the following communication problem that’s all too common – the message was incongruent.You see, the picture of the attractive lady stood out and in my mind the message on her t-shirt had nothing to do with my friend’s quote, which was what he really wanted to convey to readers. Again, his quote was, “Reinvent yourself with enhanced awareness, renew yourself with enhanced tolerance and regenerate yourself with enhanced wisdom.” If there was a connection, then how many others missed it too?When you’re trying to communicate with someone, perhaps even trying to persuade him or her, you’d better be sure every part of your message is congruent. For example, if I conduct a sales training session for business professionals I’d be foolish to not dress in a suit and tie or sports coat at a minimum. If I went to a training session dressed as I do on the weekends my appearance will detract from my message. People have expectations about how a sales trainer will dress just like you probably have ideas about how a minister should look at a wedding or a lawyer in a courtroom. When there’s a mismatch people can lose focus and the last thing you want is someone focused on how you look rather than your message.We also have expectations for the environments we find ourselves in. We don’t act the same in church as we do at work, a bar, or in a college classroom. We conduct ourselves differently in each place and acting like you’re talking in church to a room full of college students will lose them faster than they can update Twitter.When you want to communicate a message make sure everything has a purpose and that every part of the message builds to your main point. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say after a training session, “It was pretty good but he kept going off on these tangents that had nothing to do with the workshop.” If you have stories to share, make sure they add to the message and don’t detract from it.Practice helps and perfect practice makes perfect. Do you ever ask someone for feedback on a presentation before you give it? Running through your presentation with another, as you would if your audience were right there, will help you in multiple ways. One big way is to make sure the person sees how everything ties together. If you have to stop and make the connections for them then you might want to rethink your approach.The same can be said of writing. Have someone proof read your articles and blogFree webinar! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.  posts. Have them challenge you and if something doesn’t make sense, ask yourself if there’s a better way to convey the message. Again, if you have to take extra time to explain what you mean then that should be a signal that other readers might not get your point either.Communicating a message is like traveling to a destination. Usually the shortest, most direct route is best. If you want to get there in a hurry then limit your excursions and make sure everything is working together like a well-oiled machine. The extra time and effort will be worth it when people go, “Ah, I get it.”Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”. Free webinar! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world. 

The post The Importance of Congruent Messages When Persuading appeared first on Social Engineering Blogs.

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