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Persuasive Blog April 10, 2013

5 Small Talk Scripts to Memorize Now

small talk

Is there anything quite so scary as the thought of having to make polite conversation with total strangers?  Certainly, for some of the more naturally garrulous people out there, making small talk can be seen as an opportunity to connect with new people and get to know others on a deeper level.  But for the vast majority of people, small talk represents a deeply-uncomfortable, anxiety-provoking situation.

Unfortunately, you’ve got to get over this!  According to a recent Harvard Business Review article by Andy Molinksy:

“You can be the most technically skilled worker in the world, but your ability to progress in your job and move up the corporate ladder in the United States is highly dependent on your ability to build and maintain positive relationships with people at work. And guess what skill is critical for building and maintaining these relationships? Small talk.”

The secret to small talk is being prepared.  So if you feel perpetually flustered by the demands of making small talk, memorize the following scripts so that you’ll be able to pull them out at a moment’s notice whenever a situation calls for polite conversation.

Script #1 – “What do you do?”

People in the US love to talk about their jobs, which makes this small talk script a natural starting point for conversations with new people.  Though it obviously isn’t one that could be used when interacting with coworkers at a company event, it’s a great starting point to have on hand for business networking events and other social functions.

One caveat to using this script, however, is that it can backfire in situations where your conversation partner has recently been laid off or fired (as is all too common in today’s job market).  This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t use it –in fact, in networking situations, it can be a helpful way for the person you’re speaking with to convey his or her openness to new opportunities.  However, you should be aware of the potential for discomfort and have a few expressions of sympathy ready, should you encounter somebody who’s recently out of work.

Script #2 – “What’s new with you?”

If you’re interacting with people you know on a casual level – for example, distant family members, social acquaintances or colleagues in other departments – there’s no more natural starting place for a small talk conversation than, “What’s new with you?”

The key to using this script effectively, though, is to learn how to keep the conversation going by asking probing questions.  If you use this script and your counterpart responds, “Oh, nothing much,” it’s still on you to carry the conversation with follow-up questions like, “Any big projects at work right now?” or “Any plans for the upcoming holiday?”

Script #3 – “Did you see that news story about [xx]?”

When in doubt about how to start a small talk conversation, jump in with a recent news article or major upcoming event.  Sporting events are a great neutral territory for these chats – something like, “Did you see the new story about that Louisville player Kevin Ward’s leg?” is bound to provoke a reaction.

There are two things you’ll want to keep in mind when using this script, though…  First, it’s imperative that you stay away from highly-charged political or religious topics.  Even if you’re absolutely certain that you know your conversation partner’s philosophical leanings, these heated topics really have no place in polite, public interactions.  Save your opinions for your close friends and family members!

In addition, it’s important that you actually have some familiarity with the news story you decide to reference.  If you say to somebody, “Did you see that news story about [xx]?” and he or she responds with, “No, tell me about it,” you’d better be able to back up your small talk script with actual information!

Script #4 – “Any vacation plans in the future?”

As much as Americans live for work, we also live for the precious few days of vacation we get every year – making this a fun small talk prompt to keep the conversation going.

While I wouldn’t use it to start off an interaction with a totally new contact, it’s a great way to learn more about the people you’re speaking with in a non-threatening way.  A discussion about future family trips could open the door to further questions about their family life and structure (for example, “How old are your kids?” or “Where do your kids go to school?”).  Similarly, a mention of a dream vacation destination could prompt you to ask, “What made you choose that location?” or “Have you always wanted to travel there?”

Remember, the more follow-up questions you can ask, the longer you’ll be able to keep your small talk going.

Script #5 – “Where did you get that [piece of clothing]?”

Finally, if all else fails, complement your conversation partner on an article of clothing and ask where it was purchased.

Secretly, we all crave the approval of others – especially when it comes to our physical appearances.  Making a comment that indicates you like a certain piece of clothing or jewelry provides this all-important flattery, while also giving you an opening to keep the conversation going on local shopping and apparel trends.

Certainly, these are just a few of the different scripts you can use to initiate and maintain small talk, but they’re a good couple of options to memorize and keep in your back pocket at all times.  If you have any other go-to conversation starters, share your recommendations below in the comments!

Filed Under: Techniques

Persuasive Blog April 3, 2013

7 Ways to Prevent Office Distractions

minimize office distractions

We’ve all been there…  On the way to work, you’re brimming with enthusiasm and great ideas – ready to hit the ground running on a productive work day.  But the second you sit down at your desk, you’re hit with distraction after distraction.  Coworkers need your immediate feedback, emails keep popping into your inbox and your phone won’t stop ringing.

How are you ever supposed to get anything done amidst all of these distractions?

The reality is, all of us face distractions – whether we work in office environments, coffee shops or home offices.  You can’t avoid distractions entirely while working, but you can take steps to minimize them.  Give any of the following strategies a try in order to amp up your productivity and prevent distractions from throwing you off track:

Tip #1 – Turn off automatic alerts

Between the notifications that pop up in response to new messages on your smartphone and the Outlook flag that appears whenever you get a new email, automatic alerts can seriously disrupt your productivity.  The simple solution?  Turn them all off!  Really, there are very few emergencies, and you’ll likely find that the amount you’re able to get done in the absence of these distractions more than makes up for any delayed responses you might be forced to issue.

Tip #2 – Schedule time for yourself

Scheduled meetings are sacred time on most people’s business calendars – so why not take advantage of the fact that most people won’t interrupt these periods in order to get more done?

First, figure out when you’re most productive during the work day.  Then, schedule a 1-2 hour long “meeting” on your calendar during which time you won’t allow yourself to be interrupted.  Teach others to respect this time by ignoring calls or in-person requests and you’ll free up a nice chunk of time to work with minimal distractions.

Tip #3 – Wear headphones

Wearing headphones while working is one of the best signals you can give to tell others that you don’t want to be interrupted.  You don’t have to listen to music with your headphones on to achieve this effect – simply wearing them is enough to dissuade most people from disrupting your productivity with their own distractions.

Tip #4 – Clean up your work environment

If a cluttered desk equals a cluttered mind, it’s possible that picking up your work environment could have a positive effect on your ability to focus without distractions.  But don’t limit your cleaning efforts to the piles of papers that have been sitting on your desk forever.  Clean up your browser icons, bookmark lists and old digital “to do” lists in order to minimize the digital clutter that could also prevent you from focusing at peak efficiency.

Tip #5 – Turn on website blocking tools

Work distractions don’t always come in the form of interruptions from coworkers.  In plenty of cases, we’re our own worst enemies when it comes to digital distractions.  Sure, you might tell yourself that you just need a few minutes of fun browsing in order to get back to work – but can you really justify this type of time-waster once you’ve blown through hours of could-have-been productive time?

The easiest way to minimize the amount of time you waste on your favorite websites and social networks is to install website blocking tools that prevent you from accessing these pages at different times.  For example, a few great options include Leechblock for Firefox and Nanny for Chrome.  Try to install a website blocking tool on every browser that’s installed on your computer in order to minimize your ability to outsmart these distraction-blocking systems!

Tip #6 – Look busy

If none of the other strategies described here have succeeded in minimizing work distractions, you can always try looking frazzled.  Even if you’re as calm as can be, act as if you’ve got more on your plate than you could ever possibly handle.  When coworkers approach your desk to distract you, give them the crazy eyes that say, “Back away slowly – I’m on the edge here!”

It sounds silly, but it’s an effective way to end distractions before they start.  Just be careful not to abuse it.  If your boss catches you looking stressed out too often, he might assume that you aren’t capable of handling your job – making you less likely to qualify for raises and promotions.

Tip #7 – Hide

One final option for minimizing office distractions?  Get out of there!  Sometimes, there’s nothing that you can do to stop coworkers from interrupting you or your boss from piling on more work than you can handle.  In these cases, do whatever you need to do to remove yourself physically from the distractions!

You could use the number of distractions in your workplace as leverage to negotiate a remote work arrangement.  If that isn’t an option, scheduling a “doctor’s appointment” could buy you a few hours to work from home in a distraction-free environment.  Again, you shouldn’t abuse this tip, but you should keep in mind that the amount you’re able to get done by “hiding” from your distractions could outweigh any concerns that your frequent absences mean you’re an unreliable employee.

Got any other tips for minimizing distractions in the workplace?  Share them below in the comments so that everybody can benefit!

Filed Under: Techniques

Persuasive Blog March 6, 2013

How to Build Rapport with Anyone

building rapport

Quick – off the top of your head, what’s one of the most valuable sales and business skills that anyone can possess?

Let me give you a hint…  It’s not negotiation, it’s not copywriting and it’s not networking.  In fact, it’s the ability to build rapport with everybody you encounter!

When you’re able to build rapport with a diverse range of people, you improve your ability to form the relationships needed to advance both your personal and professional life.  Whether you’re petitioning your boss for a promotion or trying to convince a new senior-level buyer to purchase your company’s product, being able to develop rapport immediately gives you the edge needed to get things done.

But if forming person-to-person connections doesn’t come naturally to you, don’t worry!  The following steps to building rapport with anyone are easy to implement and can quickly make a major difference in the way you interact with new people:

Step #1 – Mirror your subject’s body language

One of the most important contributing factors to rapport is your body language – and one of the most important things you can do to build rapport using this tool is to mirror your subject’s posture and gestures.

This is important for two reasons.  First, mirroring body language creates an unspoken level of comfort between you and your subject.  When we see ourselves in the people we’re talking to, we naturally feel more at ease – making this technique a powerful way to minimize barriers that would otherwise threaten to derail your conversation.

At the same time, keep in mind that we all have nervous physical habits that manifest themselves whenever we’re uncomfortable.  This could include things like constant leg tapping or tightly crossed arms – whatever your case may be, these behaviors telegraph your lack of confidence, diminishing the rapport you hold with your partner.

By mirroring your subject’s body language, you’ll be able to prevent these behaviors on your part.  Just be careful to not mirror your subject’s own nervous habits!

Step #2 – Match your subject’s vocal tone and pacing

Next up, focus on your voice in order to build rapport with your subject.  Again, we tend to respond more favorably to the people who look and sound like we do, so any of the following techniques could come in handy when it comes to forming new relationships:

Match the tone your subject is using – Is your subject speaking loudly or softly?  Does he tend to speak from his diaphragm or his nasal passages?  Are his sentences spoken in a way that sounds authoritative or unconfident?  While it’s important that you avoid coming across as condescending, allowing some of these vocal qualities to filter into your own speech is a great way to build rapport.
Match your subject’s vocal pacing – Listen also to whether your subject is speaking slowly or rapidly.  Though many people tend to think of vocal speed as something natural that can’t be controlled, it is possible to modulate your voice in order to better match your subject’s.
Match accents carefully – One advanced rapport-building technique is to allow some of your subject’s accent to slip into your own speech (whenever his native accent is different from your own).  Although it’s tough to do so without appearing to mock your conversation partner, mimicking this vocal element in a subtle way can build a major bridge of rapport between you.

Step #3 – Repeat and affirm

Aside from the ways in which you can manipulate your own physical and vocal performance, one simple technique for building rapport is to simply repeat and affirm the things your subject says to you in conversation.  As an example, consider the following conversation:

Subject: “So, you’re telling me that you need to raise your rates?  That’s unacceptable – it’s been a tough year for my company and we don’t have the extra budget for this.”

You: “Subject, I know it’s been a tough year for your company and that budgets are tight.  I completely understand, but I hope you can see that…”

In this example, you could have just as easily responded to the subject with a careless, “It doesn’t matter what your budgets are like – our rates are going up.”  However, by taking the time to repeat and affirm the subject’s concerns, you’re building rapport that could go a long ways towards helping the two of you resolve the situation successfully.

Step #4 – Assume rapport from the start

Finally, be aware that one of the biggest inhibitors to building rapport is the discomfort experienced upon meeting and interacting with new people.  And really, it’s natural to be afraid of saying the wrong thing or looking stupid in front of a new contact.

But here’s the thing…  Everybody feels that way!  It’s not that you’re the least confident person in the world – just about everybody in the world goes through the same type of social anxiety at various points throughout their lives.

So if everyone else feels as nervous as you do in social situations, one simple solution is to assume rapport from the start.  Treat everyone you speak to as if you were already close friends – effectively negating the discomfort that many people feel when interacting with new people.  With practice, you’ll find that assuming this level of rapport puts people at ease and makes implementing the steps described above feel much more natural and much less like an uncomfortably foreign process you’re working towards artificially.

Any other recommendations on how to build rapport with the people you encounter in your personal and professional lives?  Share your tips in the comments section below!

Filed Under: Behavior

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